Tonight as I contemplate the things about which I am most grateful, I realize that this has been a tremendous week and that I have so many blessings for which to be thankful.
So many changes are happening in my life right now. There are many blessings that music is bringing into my life. I would have never dreamed after I graduated with my degree in music that I would actually find enjoyment later in life. After graduating, music had lost much of its passion. Years of analyzing chords, studying the history of music, singing in various choirs, supposedly learning correct vocal techniques and having theories pounded into my head had robbed me of the beauty that is music. Since I began accompanying for church a little over two years ago, I’ve begun to grow in so many ways as a musician. And, in the two months since I joined the Magic City Choral Society, I’ve discovered the hidden beauty in singing that I had long forgotten. In addition, I’m awed by the friendships I’m forging through my involvement with this group.
Also this week, I’ve been reminded of many wonderful memories of my college days after looking through photos that friends have been sharing on facebook. Many of us have been reminded of memories long forgotten and have enjoyed reminiscing about those days gone by, and the beauty of our young adulthood and lasting relationships.
My new relationship with Lane continues to be a point of gratitude for me. Although it’s only been a few weeks, it seems like much longer. Each new day shows us new commonalities, new connections and a hope for the future. These new feelings are so amazing. I’m grateful for the love and gifts he is bringing into my life. I’m grateful for the love and support of my dear friends, and I’m so anxious to share with them this very happy part of my life.
Here’s my confession: Despite a whirlwind of emotional highs and lows these last few weeks, I am full of gratitude for each of the blessings in my life. Just being alive to experience these new experiences is amazing to me. Life isn’t perfect, but it’s pretty damn good. I’m so grateful for the people who are in my life and who encourage me each and every day. I’m grateful for laughter and tears. I’m grateful to be alive, to be the person I am today, and, while I’m certainly trying to live in the Now, I can’t help looking into a future that looks bright and beautiful. It’s a future full of hope and dreams, and I can’t imagine asking for anything more.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
LOVE, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!
As I announced in my last blog, there’s a new relationship in my life. There I was, just going along with the flow of life, and out of the blue, there it came. This wasn’t supposed to happen this soon. But, happen it did. And, then, unexpectedly my life turned into this love song. It’s been a roller coaster of emotion.
After my break-up earlier this year, I had thought maybe I would never love again. I wasn’t sure I wanted to put myself out there, to take that risk. Then I started dating a little here and there. I took a little time to get to know myself better. Still, it wasn’t supposed to happen this soon—or was it? Serendipity took over. And now, I’m looking at a life I never imagined.
It has been said that every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. How true that is. A year ago I was struggling in a relationship that just wasn’t working. Parker and I were barely hanging on. Then, the first of the year came along and shortly after we ended the relationship. A learning experience, for sure, the entire five years we spent together. The months that followed the break-up were a learning experience as well, as I learned to live with and get to know myself all over again.
In August, I made the bravest step of the entire year by joining the Magic City Choral Society. I began to see a wider social circle for myself. There were friends out there I never expected to make. Relationships I never expected to forge. I was content with my evenings practicing piano, petting the cats and watching DVDs of The Golden Girls. Life had something else in mind. Now, my social life has exploded, and a now a real, genuine, loving relationship is emerging.
Here’s my confession: I’ve spent the last couple of weeks questioning if I’ve moved too fast, if this is REALLY love, if I’m just crazy, and on and on and on. However, tonight, as I was driving down the interstate, I realized I can’t control what’s going on. Love is not a rational emotion. Love is something you have to just experience. It has ups and downs, highs and lows. So, even though there are many questions in my heart and mind right now, the best thing I can possibly do is just go along for the ride, to live in the now. Wherever the road takes Lane and me, we’re going to go together. The lines of communication are strong, our fears and concerns are out in the open and, our relationship is a blank canvas, waiting to be filled with many vibrant hues. I have someone who loves me, adores me, and understands me. How could I possibly allow myself to doubt that or fear to cloud the experience? I can’t. I’ll remind myself of that as we snuggle up to one another, and even as moments of difficulty creep in.
After my break-up earlier this year, I had thought maybe I would never love again. I wasn’t sure I wanted to put myself out there, to take that risk. Then I started dating a little here and there. I took a little time to get to know myself better. Still, it wasn’t supposed to happen this soon—or was it? Serendipity took over. And now, I’m looking at a life I never imagined.
It has been said that every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. How true that is. A year ago I was struggling in a relationship that just wasn’t working. Parker and I were barely hanging on. Then, the first of the year came along and shortly after we ended the relationship. A learning experience, for sure, the entire five years we spent together. The months that followed the break-up were a learning experience as well, as I learned to live with and get to know myself all over again.
In August, I made the bravest step of the entire year by joining the Magic City Choral Society. I began to see a wider social circle for myself. There were friends out there I never expected to make. Relationships I never expected to forge. I was content with my evenings practicing piano, petting the cats and watching DVDs of The Golden Girls. Life had something else in mind. Now, my social life has exploded, and a now a real, genuine, loving relationship is emerging.
Here’s my confession: I’ve spent the last couple of weeks questioning if I’ve moved too fast, if this is REALLY love, if I’m just crazy, and on and on and on. However, tonight, as I was driving down the interstate, I realized I can’t control what’s going on. Love is not a rational emotion. Love is something you have to just experience. It has ups and downs, highs and lows. So, even though there are many questions in my heart and mind right now, the best thing I can possibly do is just go along for the ride, to live in the now. Wherever the road takes Lane and me, we’re going to go together. The lines of communication are strong, our fears and concerns are out in the open and, our relationship is a blank canvas, waiting to be filled with many vibrant hues. I have someone who loves me, adores me, and understands me. How could I possibly allow myself to doubt that or fear to cloud the experience? I can’t. I’ll remind myself of that as we snuggle up to one another, and even as moments of difficulty creep in.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Gratitude 10.11.08
Welcome back to my blog. I’ve taken a bit of an unintentional hiatus from writing and am hopeful in the next few days and weeks to get back in the habit of sharing my life with you, my loyal friends and readers.
I have written recently about how grateful for my involvement in the Magic City Choral Society. I’ve been blessed in so many ways in the nearly two months since I walked into that very first rehearsal. I’m most grateful for the friendships and relationships I’d have never had the opportunity or courage to develop otherwise. I am grateful for the music which is now stirring in my life, both figuratively and literally.
I am grateful for the new love in my life, Lane. Ours is a relationship that is at the beginning stages, but we have a connection that seems as though we’ve know one another for years. It’s as though we are two pieces to a puzzle and we just fit. Who knows where the road may lead us, but the timing feels right for me to open up and give my heart to someone who will take care of it. For those who do not know, we met as part of the Choral Society.
I’m grateful for the love and support of my dear friends. Even if they think I’ve absolutely lost my mind, these people who truly have my best interests at heart have voiced opinions and concerns, then wished me well. I could ask for nothing less.
I’ve always thought I didn’t have a lot of friends. However, I am reminded on an almost daily basis, whether it is in person or through my growing list of friends on facebook, I’m truly blessed with friends both near and far. After years of feeling like a misfit of sorts, it feels good to reach the point in my life where I feel like I’ve arrived at this peaceful place in my life. I’m grateful for the wisdom that comes with adulthood and the connection I’ve made with people from my past, people with whom I’d never had expected to make a connection.
We, as a people are at a terribly difficult time in our country economically, and certainly that economic difficulty has not just passed me by, but I’m grateful for the minor blessings in my life that are allowing me to get through.
Here’s my confession: I’ve missed writing my blog. I’ve missed sharing the deeply personal events of my life with you through my blog. The last few weeks of my life have been an like an extreme roller coaster, in each and every area of my life-love, finances, and the future. I’m trying to keep my thoughts grounded in here and now. Dreams I’d long buried are coming back to the top of my mind. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I discover the beauty that my tomorrows will hold for me. Thanks for reading. My blog will be back in full force within in a few days.
I have written recently about how grateful for my involvement in the Magic City Choral Society. I’ve been blessed in so many ways in the nearly two months since I walked into that very first rehearsal. I’m most grateful for the friendships and relationships I’d have never had the opportunity or courage to develop otherwise. I am grateful for the music which is now stirring in my life, both figuratively and literally.
I am grateful for the new love in my life, Lane. Ours is a relationship that is at the beginning stages, but we have a connection that seems as though we’ve know one another for years. It’s as though we are two pieces to a puzzle and we just fit. Who knows where the road may lead us, but the timing feels right for me to open up and give my heart to someone who will take care of it. For those who do not know, we met as part of the Choral Society.
I’m grateful for the love and support of my dear friends. Even if they think I’ve absolutely lost my mind, these people who truly have my best interests at heart have voiced opinions and concerns, then wished me well. I could ask for nothing less.
I’ve always thought I didn’t have a lot of friends. However, I am reminded on an almost daily basis, whether it is in person or through my growing list of friends on facebook, I’m truly blessed with friends both near and far. After years of feeling like a misfit of sorts, it feels good to reach the point in my life where I feel like I’ve arrived at this peaceful place in my life. I’m grateful for the wisdom that comes with adulthood and the connection I’ve made with people from my past, people with whom I’d never had expected to make a connection.
We, as a people are at a terribly difficult time in our country economically, and certainly that economic difficulty has not just passed me by, but I’m grateful for the minor blessings in my life that are allowing me to get through.
Here’s my confession: I’ve missed writing my blog. I’ve missed sharing the deeply personal events of my life with you through my blog. The last few weeks of my life have been an like an extreme roller coaster, in each and every area of my life-love, finances, and the future. I’m trying to keep my thoughts grounded in here and now. Dreams I’d long buried are coming back to the top of my mind. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I discover the beauty that my tomorrows will hold for me. Thanks for reading. My blog will be back in full force within in a few days.
Monday, September 29, 2008
MY BLOG: GRATITUDE FOR A YEAR IN THE LIFE
It's hard to believe that a year has gone by since I wrote my first blog. So much has happened in this life of mine since then. There have been ups, downs, highs and lows. And, you, my friends, my readers, have been faithful to read, comment and encourage me each step along the way.
I'm hopeful that in coming days and weeks to be more faithful in making entries, as I continue to grow. There are many exciting things going on in my life right now. Friendships are being formed, shells are being broken and, while I'll admit that there's a bit of anxiety in my life right now, I'm excited at the twists and turns life has taken over these last couple of months.
So often I've written about hitting a brick wall, feeling like I had reached the end of my growth, but, more often than not, within a few days, the growth cycle starts right back up again. Thank you for following me as I've dealt with my anxieties, my break-up, my personal growth and my off-the-wall ramblings about life.
Here's my confession: This blog is an important part of my life, and your comments have been an important part of the last year. This has been my sounding board. Often times I'm more confused than grounded, often times I'm more distraught than at peace, but all in all, I believe that my life is headed in the right direction. I have to constantly remind myself to stay focused on the NOW, because that's truly all that I have. The last year has been filled with new friendships, new experiences, and in many ways, a new me. I'm excited to see where I'll be a year from now.
You may realize that I missed my gratitude blog for last week. It really wasn't intentional, but today, I express my deepest gratitude for accompanying me on this journey. Please keep reading. There's so much more to come...
I'm hopeful that in coming days and weeks to be more faithful in making entries, as I continue to grow. There are many exciting things going on in my life right now. Friendships are being formed, shells are being broken and, while I'll admit that there's a bit of anxiety in my life right now, I'm excited at the twists and turns life has taken over these last couple of months.
So often I've written about hitting a brick wall, feeling like I had reached the end of my growth, but, more often than not, within a few days, the growth cycle starts right back up again. Thank you for following me as I've dealt with my anxieties, my break-up, my personal growth and my off-the-wall ramblings about life.
Here's my confession: This blog is an important part of my life, and your comments have been an important part of the last year. This has been my sounding board. Often times I'm more confused than grounded, often times I'm more distraught than at peace, but all in all, I believe that my life is headed in the right direction. I have to constantly remind myself to stay focused on the NOW, because that's truly all that I have. The last year has been filled with new friendships, new experiences, and in many ways, a new me. I'm excited to see where I'll be a year from now.
You may realize that I missed my gratitude blog for last week. It really wasn't intentional, but today, I express my deepest gratitude for accompanying me on this journey. Please keep reading. There's so much more to come...
Sunday, September 21, 2008
GRATITUDE 09.19.08
My weekly gratitude is a little late this week, but that doesn’t mean my gratitude is diminished at all. As I think of the past week, I realize, as always, there is so much for which to be grateful.
I am most grateful this week for new friendships that are coming into my life, mostly a result of my involvement with the Magic City Choral Society. The last month of my life has brought so much enjoyment in my life, and I’ve broken a large part of my shell. Feeling more comfortable in my own skin, who I am as a person, a musician and finding a “voice” as it were in my community are bringing much gratitude into my life.
I am grateful for the special friendship that is developing between Clark and me. Who knows exactly where it will lead, but what I do know is that a beautiful friendship is developing. Our growing friendship is an exercise in patience on my part as well as self-discipline.
Here’s my confession: I have so many things for which to be grateful. Despite moments of fear, insecurity, depression, and some confusion, I have many more blessings in my life than I can count and, looking over the last few months, I’ve come a long way, baby. Even still, I’ve a long way to go.
I am most grateful this week for new friendships that are coming into my life, mostly a result of my involvement with the Magic City Choral Society. The last month of my life has brought so much enjoyment in my life, and I’ve broken a large part of my shell. Feeling more comfortable in my own skin, who I am as a person, a musician and finding a “voice” as it were in my community are bringing much gratitude into my life.
I am grateful for the special friendship that is developing between Clark and me. Who knows exactly where it will lead, but what I do know is that a beautiful friendship is developing. Our growing friendship is an exercise in patience on my part as well as self-discipline.
Here’s my confession: I have so many things for which to be grateful. Despite moments of fear, insecurity, depression, and some confusion, I have many more blessings in my life than I can count and, looking over the last few months, I’ve come a long way, baby. Even still, I’ve a long way to go.
Friday, September 12, 2008
GRATITUDE 09.12.08
This has been a strange week for me. I've experienced a plethora of emotions-running the gamut from happy, content and peaceful to anxious, frightened and on the brink of tears. Yet, through it all, I've endured.
A friend serendipitously reappeared in my life this week, while new friendships, I believe, are emerging. I'm learning many lessons along the path my life has taken. These lessons aren't always easy, but I'm finding, no matter the difficulty, they are essential to my growth as a human and an individual.
My house has been on the market now for nearly three months. Seems like it's been years. Frustration rears its ugly head sometimes. But, I try to pause in those moments of frustration to be grateful that I even have a home, for there are others are not as blessed. It is a financial burden I'd rather not endure, but again, I remind myself that it's ok. I just try to put it out of my mind, but that's often easier said than done.
I'm grateful to be alive. Life is full of twists and turns I'm sure I'll never completely understand. There are moments of celebration and moments I'm nearly reduced to tears. There are relationships in my life that are flawed, forgiveness that needs extending, and fears that are not easily quelled. In spite of it all, it's worth the effort to have a little more gratitude in my heart than bitterness.
Here's my confession; Despite the ups and downs of my week, I'm humbled and grateful for the experiences which have come my way. Learning to live in the now is one of the most difficult obstacles I face. Yet, each new dawn brings with it reminders of how wonderful this experience we call life truly is. It's an adventure. Kind words, smiles from a stranger, unexpected friendships and yes, even bumps and curves along the road are part of that adventure. It's easy to simply take parts of the adventure for granted. Our next breath is not guarantee, food and shelter could be gone in an instant. And so, it is today that I share with you my gratitude for the things in my life. I hope you'll take a moment to reflect on your gratitude as well.
A friend serendipitously reappeared in my life this week, while new friendships, I believe, are emerging. I'm learning many lessons along the path my life has taken. These lessons aren't always easy, but I'm finding, no matter the difficulty, they are essential to my growth as a human and an individual.
My house has been on the market now for nearly three months. Seems like it's been years. Frustration rears its ugly head sometimes. But, I try to pause in those moments of frustration to be grateful that I even have a home, for there are others are not as blessed. It is a financial burden I'd rather not endure, but again, I remind myself that it's ok. I just try to put it out of my mind, but that's often easier said than done.
I'm grateful to be alive. Life is full of twists and turns I'm sure I'll never completely understand. There are moments of celebration and moments I'm nearly reduced to tears. There are relationships in my life that are flawed, forgiveness that needs extending, and fears that are not easily quelled. In spite of it all, it's worth the effort to have a little more gratitude in my heart than bitterness.
Here's my confession; Despite the ups and downs of my week, I'm humbled and grateful for the experiences which have come my way. Learning to live in the now is one of the most difficult obstacles I face. Yet, each new dawn brings with it reminders of how wonderful this experience we call life truly is. It's an adventure. Kind words, smiles from a stranger, unexpected friendships and yes, even bumps and curves along the road are part of that adventure. It's easy to simply take parts of the adventure for granted. Our next breath is not guarantee, food and shelter could be gone in an instant. And so, it is today that I share with you my gratitude for the things in my life. I hope you'll take a moment to reflect on your gratitude as well.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
GRATITUDE 09.06.08
What an incredibly tiring week! As I look back over the week that was, I recall a week in which I was up to my eyeballs in music of one sort or another. I’ve have a few responsibilities added to my working with the church music program in the last few weeks, as I’ll be filling in for our director while her husband recuperates from open heart surgery. I’m grateful for the opportunity, but I realize just how focused I’ve become on doing everything just right. In addition to my responsibilities to my church choir, I also have added on the responsibility of being a member of the Magic City Choral Society.
And so, it is, this week, Music for which I am most grateful. Music is the one gift I have in my life for which I am truly grateful I’ve studied music for nearly 20 years, beginning with piano and then moving on to voice and a little bit of organ. I possess a Bachelor of Arts degree in music. I admit that I wasn’t the greatest student of music when I was in college, but as I’ve been working with the church choir and trying to find ways to motivate, educate and encourage the choir’s growth, lessons are coming back to me, little tid-bits of knowledge I thought long ago forgotten. As I gather on Tuesday evenings with my Choral Society, I’m reminded of the great memories I have of being a chorister. Yet, this time, it is different. This time, I’m doing it for fun, not for credit. It’s strange, when I stop and think about the place my musical talents have brought me, the places they are taking me. Music is the one stable in my life. I’m grateful for the place it has in my life, the amazing growth I’ve experienced as a musician over the last two years and the gifts, friendship and peace that music has brought into my life.
I’m grateful to be reconnecting with many of the friends from my past through facebook. What an amazing tool. Yet, not only am I connecting with new friends. I’m grateful for the place I am in my life. Certainly, things are less than perfect, but they are better than they’ve been in a long time. Life is good. Life is full of exciting surprises. We just have to stop and be open to experiencing them.
I’m grateful for the letter I received last week from my Aunt. Perhaps it is the beginning of the rebuilding of a relationship that was deeply damaged more than a decade ago. I have positive hopes, but realize that we will both have to acknowledge differences of opinion, but the past in the past and learn to live in, and focus on the Now.
Here’s my confession: This week I am grateful. There doesn’t have to be any one particular reason for my gratitude, for indeed there are many. I have a home, I have friends, I have pets, I have, in essence, EVERYTHING I could possibly need or want in this life. Learning to stop and appreciate those blessings is a major lesson I have to learn. I know, in my heart of hearts, that all I hold dear could be wiped out in the blink of an eye. I think that makes me more grateful because I know I have so much for which to be grateful.
So, tonight, as I write this, fatigued beyond belief, I do so with a sense of peace and gratitude in my heart and life. The alternative is to whine, bitch and complain, and what good will that do my heart? My soul, my spirit? Absolutely none. Gratitude is my balm of peace. And, if you are part of my life, please know that I’m incredibly grateful for you.
And so, it is, this week, Music for which I am most grateful. Music is the one gift I have in my life for which I am truly grateful I’ve studied music for nearly 20 years, beginning with piano and then moving on to voice and a little bit of organ. I possess a Bachelor of Arts degree in music. I admit that I wasn’t the greatest student of music when I was in college, but as I’ve been working with the church choir and trying to find ways to motivate, educate and encourage the choir’s growth, lessons are coming back to me, little tid-bits of knowledge I thought long ago forgotten. As I gather on Tuesday evenings with my Choral Society, I’m reminded of the great memories I have of being a chorister. Yet, this time, it is different. This time, I’m doing it for fun, not for credit. It’s strange, when I stop and think about the place my musical talents have brought me, the places they are taking me. Music is the one stable in my life. I’m grateful for the place it has in my life, the amazing growth I’ve experienced as a musician over the last two years and the gifts, friendship and peace that music has brought into my life.
I’m grateful to be reconnecting with many of the friends from my past through facebook. What an amazing tool. Yet, not only am I connecting with new friends. I’m grateful for the place I am in my life. Certainly, things are less than perfect, but they are better than they’ve been in a long time. Life is good. Life is full of exciting surprises. We just have to stop and be open to experiencing them.
I’m grateful for the letter I received last week from my Aunt. Perhaps it is the beginning of the rebuilding of a relationship that was deeply damaged more than a decade ago. I have positive hopes, but realize that we will both have to acknowledge differences of opinion, but the past in the past and learn to live in, and focus on the Now.
Here’s my confession: This week I am grateful. There doesn’t have to be any one particular reason for my gratitude, for indeed there are many. I have a home, I have friends, I have pets, I have, in essence, EVERYTHING I could possibly need or want in this life. Learning to stop and appreciate those blessings is a major lesson I have to learn. I know, in my heart of hearts, that all I hold dear could be wiped out in the blink of an eye. I think that makes me more grateful because I know I have so much for which to be grateful.
So, tonight, as I write this, fatigued beyond belief, I do so with a sense of peace and gratitude in my heart and life. The alternative is to whine, bitch and complain, and what good will that do my heart? My soul, my spirit? Absolutely none. Gratitude is my balm of peace. And, if you are part of my life, please know that I’m incredibly grateful for you.
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