I just finished listening to Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. The book is absolutely amazing and speaks so completely to the search that I believe, if we’re being honest, truly speaks to the quest in each of us, to find our way to the Source, or “God”.
The journey to find God, and an authentic spiritual experience is something I’ve traveled for so many years. From childhood, as a Southern Baptist, I found peace in what I was taught, then along the way, I realized my true beliefs were incongruent with the teachings of my denomination. I shopped around a bit, stopped off briefly in the United Methodist Church and have spent the last decade as a Catholic.
I don’t discount the teachings of the Buddha or The Christ. In fact, I see how bits and pieces of the traditions truly compliment one another.
Here’s my confession: I love calling myself a Catholic, although my personal beliefs more likely resemble the teachings of the Episcopal church. Yet, I just seek to find peace and joy in my faith. God, the source, is bigger than our feeble minds can comprehend. Yet, I know I am going to experience an authentic experience of faith.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
SEASONS OF LOVE: GRATITUDE
This week I celebrated my 36th birthday. I was surrounded by friends—all but one of whom I did not know one year ago when I celebrated my 35th birthday. Sitting there at my birthday dinner, I was reminded how very much has changed in my life over the last year. I was reminded how many wonderful people have come into my life, how many amazing experiences and growth have come my way in those 12 months since I turned 35.
I think the single most important thing I did during the last year happened the evening last August when I walked into the open rehearsal for the Magic City Choral Society. Little did I know how that would be one of the most brave and life-changing moments. Little did I know that I was about to meet some of the most incredible people and people were soon to become my family. Little did I know that I was about to embark on the greatest adventure of my life.
In the last year of my life, I’ve discovered so many strengths and know who I am better than I did a year ago. People have come into my life, not only in the choir, but people I’ve met through my friends in the choir that are now the most important people in my life. These are people who have touched my life in ways I can’t quite possibly put into words.
Here’s my confession: I’ve experienced so much over the last year. Yet, hopefully, the last year is only the beginning. My lack of a relationship with my family of origin is something about which I’ve reached a place of peace, but I’m blessed with a family of choice that is out of this world. There are lots of things in my life I don’t quite have figured out, but what I do have lots of good in my life, despite the ups and downs that are a part of my life. Life is good. And, I’m happy to have celebrated another year of goodness. I’m enjoying the adventure. Thank you, dear friends—far and near—for the important role you have in my life!
I think the single most important thing I did during the last year happened the evening last August when I walked into the open rehearsal for the Magic City Choral Society. Little did I know how that would be one of the most brave and life-changing moments. Little did I know that I was about to meet some of the most incredible people and people were soon to become my family. Little did I know that I was about to embark on the greatest adventure of my life.
In the last year of my life, I’ve discovered so many strengths and know who I am better than I did a year ago. People have come into my life, not only in the choir, but people I’ve met through my friends in the choir that are now the most important people in my life. These are people who have touched my life in ways I can’t quite possibly put into words.
Here’s my confession: I’ve experienced so much over the last year. Yet, hopefully, the last year is only the beginning. My lack of a relationship with my family of origin is something about which I’ve reached a place of peace, but I’m blessed with a family of choice that is out of this world. There are lots of things in my life I don’t quite have figured out, but what I do have lots of good in my life, despite the ups and downs that are a part of my life. Life is good. And, I’m happy to have celebrated another year of goodness. I’m enjoying the adventure. Thank you, dear friends—far and near—for the important role you have in my life!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
GRATITUDE AND CATHARSIS 07.17.09
It’s been a while since I sat down and wrote a blog. Tonight, I find myself in need of that time of reflection, time to reflect on the things for which I’m most grateful as well as the catharsis my writing brings to me.
Since my last writing, the contract has fallen through on my house. That’s a major blow to both Parker and me, as we both felt that we were about to be out from under the last tie to our relationship. The cancellation of the contract comes as a railroad hub is proposed to be built in our community. So, back at square one we have arrived.
The state of our economy and the pressures that go along with it are seemingly unrelenting. The financial pressures are unbelievable and the professional expectations are tiring. Sometimes it seems that nothing is ever enough. It seems like I’m swirling at the bottom of a black hole.
Here’s my confession: Despite the struggles I’m facing right now, I’m very blessed to have some of the most wonderful friends that once could ever know. I look over the last year and I’m fascinated at the many wonderful blessings and friends who have come into my life. All I can do is all I can do…and I’m going to persevere.
More blogs to come. I’ve missed writing and it’s necessary for me to maintain my sanity!
Since my last writing, the contract has fallen through on my house. That’s a major blow to both Parker and me, as we both felt that we were about to be out from under the last tie to our relationship. The cancellation of the contract comes as a railroad hub is proposed to be built in our community. So, back at square one we have arrived.
The state of our economy and the pressures that go along with it are seemingly unrelenting. The financial pressures are unbelievable and the professional expectations are tiring. Sometimes it seems that nothing is ever enough. It seems like I’m swirling at the bottom of a black hole.
Here’s my confession: Despite the struggles I’m facing right now, I’m very blessed to have some of the most wonderful friends that once could ever know. I look over the last year and I’m fascinated at the many wonderful blessings and friends who have come into my life. All I can do is all I can do…and I’m going to persevere.
More blogs to come. I’ve missed writing and it’s necessary for me to maintain my sanity!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
GRATITUDE 06.21.09
It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to blog. Tonight, I sit down with much gratitude in my life. Since my last writing, Parker and I have gotten a contract on our house. It’s been a long and difficult year since the house went on the market, but it appears that there is light at the end of the tunnel…and we are looking forward to August 24, the date we are scheduled to close.
Last week was PRIDE week in Birmingham. This was a new experience for me. I’ve never been one who felt the need to broadcast my sexual orientation. However, it was a good feeling to be around so many people I’ve met over the last year, and just another step in seeing how far I’ve come in the last year. PRIDE is not really for me…but the feeling of being a part of a community is something I can’t quite find the words to fully express. While attending BAO Bingo, the drag queen who was there to provide entertainment performed to Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors”. The performance was so moving, as “she” had a pride flag draped around her and she removed it as she reached the line in the refrain about shining like a rainbow. We are all part of a rainbow.
I am so grateful for the many wonderful people in my life. A few people have serendipitously fallen into my life and I honestly can’t imagine life before they arrived. I’m grateful for the innumerable blessings that each of my friends bring into my life.
Here’s my confession: Life is good. I feel a lot of pressure in my life from many different directions, but at the same time, I feel everything heading in the right direction. Subtle changes are being made on an almost daily basis. And I’m going to just enjoy the ride.
Last week was PRIDE week in Birmingham. This was a new experience for me. I’ve never been one who felt the need to broadcast my sexual orientation. However, it was a good feeling to be around so many people I’ve met over the last year, and just another step in seeing how far I’ve come in the last year. PRIDE is not really for me…but the feeling of being a part of a community is something I can’t quite find the words to fully express. While attending BAO Bingo, the drag queen who was there to provide entertainment performed to Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors”. The performance was so moving, as “she” had a pride flag draped around her and she removed it as she reached the line in the refrain about shining like a rainbow. We are all part of a rainbow.
I am so grateful for the many wonderful people in my life. A few people have serendipitously fallen into my life and I honestly can’t imagine life before they arrived. I’m grateful for the innumerable blessings that each of my friends bring into my life.
Here’s my confession: Life is good. I feel a lot of pressure in my life from many different directions, but at the same time, I feel everything heading in the right direction. Subtle changes are being made on an almost daily basis. And I’m going to just enjoy the ride.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
GRATITUDE 06.07.09
It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve paused in gratitude. There is absolutely no denying how incredibly blessed I am. I am in awe as I consider the many friends who have entered my life over the last year. There have been many moments of discontent in my life lately. There have been moments of worry about finances and just struggles with life in general.
Yet, even in my moments of discontent, it is the friends who surround me who and remind me they are there for me that keep me grounded. I’m grateful for moments of peace, solitude, and joy. I’m grateful for love and grace and the things I know to be true in my life.
Here’s my confession: Life is good. I do have to sometimes remind myself of that. It’s easy, especially in these days when we’re all under so much stress, to just want to give up and have a pity party. I’m grateful for the blessings in my life, for all the good in my life, and for the hope of each new tomorrow.
Yet, even in my moments of discontent, it is the friends who surround me who and remind me they are there for me that keep me grounded. I’m grateful for moments of peace, solitude, and joy. I’m grateful for love and grace and the things I know to be true in my life.
Here’s my confession: Life is good. I do have to sometimes remind myself of that. It’s easy, especially in these days when we’re all under so much stress, to just want to give up and have a pity party. I’m grateful for the blessings in my life, for all the good in my life, and for the hope of each new tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
A MESSAGE TO MYSELF
I texted a friend today just to see how she is doing. She texted back "just peachy...how about you..." My reply, however, was perhaps a bit more than either of us had expected.
Single. Happy, Restless. Content. Waiting. Anxious. Gentle. Hopeful. Excited. Done. Commencing. Questioning. Listening. Resting. Running. Ready. Mistaken. Understood. Certain. Doubtful. Steadfast. Relinquishing. Full. Empty. Alone. Surrounded. Trusting. Fearful. Smiling. Wondering. Conflicted. Absolute. Complacent. Active. Believing.
She replied "Wow, dude. You have a lot on your plate." I've thought about my words a good portion of today. At the risk of being mundane, I think I'm going to break down each of those words and how they relate to where I am today.
Single: unencumbered by a relationship; free of the flavors of entanglement; freedom from all things commitment. Happy: satisfied with my current lot in life, the people in my life and its overall direction. Restless: longing for something more, apprehensive about my day to day being. Content: accepting things exactly as they are in my world. Waiting: for things to change, for the inevitable, for the ever-elusive panacea. Anxious: worried about the things that are not even in my control anyway. Gentle: Accepting each day with grace and peace. Hopeful: looking forward with promise to the new tomorrows. Excited: about how far I've come and how much more of the journey is left to be completed. Done: there are days I just want to give up, give in and say it is finished. Commencing: the dawning of each new day is a chance for a do-over, a new beginning. Questioning: everything in life from spiritual matters, finances, relationships, who I really am. Listening: to the sage advice of dear friends and to my own heart. Resting: from thoughts that do not propel me forward. Running: from all the struggles of daily life. Ready: for change, freedom, inner peace. Mistaken: by those who do not know how to take me; Understood: by those who have taken the change to get to know me, who see me in a different light, who see potential. Certain: of many great and wonderful things in my life, of blessing innumerable. Doubtful: of my own abilities, strengths, and influence in people's lives. Steadfast: to continue growing, to achieving my potential. Relinquishing: my fears, my boundaries, my encumbrances. Full: of love, of faith, and even a bit of fear. Empty: the feeling of nothingness, dried up, with nothing left to give. Alone: sometimes I feel like I'm hanging out here on a limb all by myself, completely devoid of anything in life. Surrounded: by friends who give me a swift kick in the ass when I need it, people who care, and dare I say angels watching over me? Trusting: my gut instincts, advice from people who care. Fearful: of failure, of losing myself. Wondering: what tomorrow holds, why people care so much. Conflicted: by such a wide range of emotions, highs and lows, brick walls and smooth sailing along the highways and byways of life. Absolute: that I have within me everything I'll ever need. Complacent: about making the moves, about myself, about life. Active: in seeking opportunities to grow into the person I know I am destined to become. Believing: that tomorrow isn't promised to me, but if it comes, that I'll make it the best I possibly can, that I will be the best I can possibly be and that I AM something to someone.
Here's my confession: That's a very heavy list. Indeed, there are many things on my plate. I know that I'm not going to just wake up one morning and find all my problems have abandoned me during my rest. Instead, trials will come, and they will go. I will grow. I know, beyond the shadow of any doubt that I am blessed with wonderful people, things and situations. Life is sometimes a bumpy road, so I'm just going to buckle my seatbelt and enjoy the ride.
Single. Happy, Restless. Content. Waiting. Anxious. Gentle. Hopeful. Excited. Done. Commencing. Questioning. Listening. Resting. Running. Ready. Mistaken. Understood. Certain. Doubtful. Steadfast. Relinquishing. Full. Empty. Alone. Surrounded. Trusting. Fearful. Smiling. Wondering. Conflicted. Absolute. Complacent. Active. Believing.
She replied "Wow, dude. You have a lot on your plate." I've thought about my words a good portion of today. At the risk of being mundane, I think I'm going to break down each of those words and how they relate to where I am today.
Single: unencumbered by a relationship; free of the flavors of entanglement; freedom from all things commitment. Happy: satisfied with my current lot in life, the people in my life and its overall direction. Restless: longing for something more, apprehensive about my day to day being. Content: accepting things exactly as they are in my world. Waiting: for things to change, for the inevitable, for the ever-elusive panacea. Anxious: worried about the things that are not even in my control anyway. Gentle: Accepting each day with grace and peace. Hopeful: looking forward with promise to the new tomorrows. Excited: about how far I've come and how much more of the journey is left to be completed. Done: there are days I just want to give up, give in and say it is finished. Commencing: the dawning of each new day is a chance for a do-over, a new beginning. Questioning: everything in life from spiritual matters, finances, relationships, who I really am. Listening: to the sage advice of dear friends and to my own heart. Resting: from thoughts that do not propel me forward. Running: from all the struggles of daily life. Ready: for change, freedom, inner peace. Mistaken: by those who do not know how to take me; Understood: by those who have taken the change to get to know me, who see me in a different light, who see potential. Certain: of many great and wonderful things in my life, of blessing innumerable. Doubtful: of my own abilities, strengths, and influence in people's lives. Steadfast: to continue growing, to achieving my potential. Relinquishing: my fears, my boundaries, my encumbrances. Full: of love, of faith, and even a bit of fear. Empty: the feeling of nothingness, dried up, with nothing left to give. Alone: sometimes I feel like I'm hanging out here on a limb all by myself, completely devoid of anything in life. Surrounded: by friends who give me a swift kick in the ass when I need it, people who care, and dare I say angels watching over me? Trusting: my gut instincts, advice from people who care. Fearful: of failure, of losing myself. Wondering: what tomorrow holds, why people care so much. Conflicted: by such a wide range of emotions, highs and lows, brick walls and smooth sailing along the highways and byways of life. Absolute: that I have within me everything I'll ever need. Complacent: about making the moves, about myself, about life. Active: in seeking opportunities to grow into the person I know I am destined to become. Believing: that tomorrow isn't promised to me, but if it comes, that I'll make it the best I possibly can, that I will be the best I can possibly be and that I AM something to someone.
Here's my confession: That's a very heavy list. Indeed, there are many things on my plate. I know that I'm not going to just wake up one morning and find all my problems have abandoned me during my rest. Instead, trials will come, and they will go. I will grow. I know, beyond the shadow of any doubt that I am blessed with wonderful people, things and situations. Life is sometimes a bumpy road, so I'm just going to buckle my seatbelt and enjoy the ride.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
GRATITUDE REFLECTIONS 05.24.09
It has been a couple of weeks since my last posting. I actually started writing a gratitude blog last week and never finished it. So, it’s time to get back into the swing of things and start posting more frequently.
Since I last wrote, I’ve had some wonderful experiences. Last week, I went on a short vacation with two of my friends from my Men’s Chorus. Robert, Barrett and I traveled to Asheville, NC to visit the Biltmore Estate and spent a day in Pigeon Forge, TN. I have to admit this was one of the most fun trips I’ve had and really enjoyed bonding with these men. I’m grateful for friendships like these which have somehow found their way into my life over the last year.
There’s been a lot on my mind these couple of weeks. Thoughts about where I am financially, wondering when this house is going to sell, trying to balance friendships, learning more about myself, trying in so many ways to better myself, to learn new things. The greatest lesson I’ve learned over the last few months of my life is that while I may often feel like I’m alone, I am not. I have some of the most wonderful people in my life who continually remind me of this fact.
I’m single again. Lane and I have been working towards making the transition to being just friends. At times it’s been frustrating, but I think we’re doing ok. While I know that I unintentionally hurt Lane, the truth of the matter is that I’m grateful for the many lessons I learned from our time as a couple, and I hope he will soon be able to look back and say the same thing.
I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. Yet, I’m grateful for the innumerable blessings that are part of my life. I do have so very much in my life. I have a place to call home, my health, people who continue to love me in spite of myself. I have friends who are there to push me to go that extra step, to make one more climb up the mountain and continually remind me of where I’ve been, where I am, and perhaps, more importantly, where I’m headed.
I’ve thought a lot in the last few days about my family of origin. While I feel like I’m really just an outsider now, I’m grateful for the person they’ve enabled me to be, the values they tried to instill in me, and that I’ve been able to make, what I hope, are good choices in my life.
Here’s my confession: In the stillness of this evening I pause again to reflect on the goodness that is in my life, trying not to allow the negative things to cloud the positive. Where I am today is light years away from anything I could have ever imagined a year ago. Sometimes my gratitude probably comes across as being too sappy to some people, but I feel like it’s important to let the people in my life know how much they mean to me, and not just take it for granted.
I have a list of things I want to do, things I want to learn, things I hope to accomplish. I’m grateful for the broken road that has led me to the place I am today, to be the person I am today and to be able to have hopes and dreams. I’m grateful for this blog which allows me to share a bit of myself with you. I’m grateful for those of you who take time to read and especially for those of you who take the time to comment.
I’m grateful for so many wonderful things…
Since I last wrote, I’ve had some wonderful experiences. Last week, I went on a short vacation with two of my friends from my Men’s Chorus. Robert, Barrett and I traveled to Asheville, NC to visit the Biltmore Estate and spent a day in Pigeon Forge, TN. I have to admit this was one of the most fun trips I’ve had and really enjoyed bonding with these men. I’m grateful for friendships like these which have somehow found their way into my life over the last year.
There’s been a lot on my mind these couple of weeks. Thoughts about where I am financially, wondering when this house is going to sell, trying to balance friendships, learning more about myself, trying in so many ways to better myself, to learn new things. The greatest lesson I’ve learned over the last few months of my life is that while I may often feel like I’m alone, I am not. I have some of the most wonderful people in my life who continually remind me of this fact.
I’m single again. Lane and I have been working towards making the transition to being just friends. At times it’s been frustrating, but I think we’re doing ok. While I know that I unintentionally hurt Lane, the truth of the matter is that I’m grateful for the many lessons I learned from our time as a couple, and I hope he will soon be able to look back and say the same thing.
I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. Yet, I’m grateful for the innumerable blessings that are part of my life. I do have so very much in my life. I have a place to call home, my health, people who continue to love me in spite of myself. I have friends who are there to push me to go that extra step, to make one more climb up the mountain and continually remind me of where I’ve been, where I am, and perhaps, more importantly, where I’m headed.
I’ve thought a lot in the last few days about my family of origin. While I feel like I’m really just an outsider now, I’m grateful for the person they’ve enabled me to be, the values they tried to instill in me, and that I’ve been able to make, what I hope, are good choices in my life.
Here’s my confession: In the stillness of this evening I pause again to reflect on the goodness that is in my life, trying not to allow the negative things to cloud the positive. Where I am today is light years away from anything I could have ever imagined a year ago. Sometimes my gratitude probably comes across as being too sappy to some people, but I feel like it’s important to let the people in my life know how much they mean to me, and not just take it for granted.
I have a list of things I want to do, things I want to learn, things I hope to accomplish. I’m grateful for the broken road that has led me to the place I am today, to be the person I am today and to be able to have hopes and dreams. I’m grateful for this blog which allows me to share a bit of myself with you. I’m grateful for those of you who take time to read and especially for those of you who take the time to comment.
I’m grateful for so many wonderful things…
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