DEAR GRANDMA

Dear Grandma,

It seems a little strange after all this time to be writing you a letter. After all, you left this earthly realm eight years ago today. Your death came suddenly and unexpectedly to us, though we knew your time with us was coming to an end as you had battled the cancer that had ravaged your body. And, so it was, late on that Monday evening, you answered your call to enter eternity. And, just that quickly, you were gone.

I received the news a couple of hours later, as I was preparing to attend a special choir rehearsal to prepare for Easter. My director took me into the church office and told me to call my parents. My dad answered and gave me the news. You were gone. And, at that moment, I knew my life would be forever changed.

All of a sudden, the woman I had admired my entire life was gone. I'd never again receive a letter from you. Never again would we be able to speak, to continue reconciling our differences after my coming out that had so divided us. Shortly before you died, you asked my forgiveness for the harsh words and attitudes we had shared in the recent years. I forgave you.

As we gathered for your funeral, I was sad. I was sad because you were gone, sad that your wishes for a church funeral were not being carried out despite my protest, sad because you looked so beautiful and at rest there in your casket. I was touched by the outpouring of love we received as so many people came to share our loss with us at your visitation, a sure testimony to the number of lives you touched in your time on earth.

Even now, I find there are times I wish you were here. There are so many things I wish I could share with you. I'd love for you to see the baby grand piano I bought last year. I wish you could see the person I've become, because so very much of the person I am today is directly related to the person you helped me to become. If asked to identify the person who had had the most profound impact in my life, without question, my answer will always be you. For without you, I wouldn't have been able to pursue music. From you I learned the art of writing letters and so many intangible lessons about life. You gave me the foundation of a faith that has changed over the years, but a faith I may have never known without your example.

I miss your fried apple pies, your coconut cakes and your banana pudding. But most of all, I miss you. I miss the love and friendship we shared. I am comforted knowing that you are out there somewhere, and I'm sure you are able to see all I do. You're still here with me, if only in my heart.

So many things have changed since you've been gone. My relationship with our family is strained. I'm sorry, because I know that would make you sad to see if you were here. Somehow, I wish you were here to make it all better, to facilitate reconciliation. But, I am confident that where you are now is such a place of peace that you would not want to return to us. Nonetheless, I miss you so very deeply.

Love,
Keller

Here's my confession: Hardly a day or week go by in which I don't in some way think of my grandmother and the wonderful memories and impact she left on my life. How I truly wish she were still here so that I could tell her the things going on in my life. I believe we would have grown closer. My coming out put a real strain on our relationship, but she finally accepted me as well as she could shortly before she died. In my eyes, she was the personification of grace, beauty and poise. And, on this day, eight years after she went to her eternal rest, I pause a moment to think of the legacy she left me, to be grateful for the honor of having known her, loving her and receiving so much love from her. I hope she is resting in peace.