LOVE IS...FOREVER?

The game of love is so complicated. It's fragile, it's enduring, it's heated passion, it's cold and frigid. It's a constant roller coaster ride of emotions, and it's supposed to last forever, right? I'm not talking about the love between two friends or two family members. What I'm talking about is the love between two partners who have committed themselves to one another, for better or worse.

There was a popular song by Michael Martin Murphey a number of years ago posing the question "What's forever for?" The song tells the story "that there are love hungry people, trying their best to survive, while right there in their hands is a dying romance and they aren't even trying to keep it alive." Certainly, no one goes into a relationship expecting it to fail. Have we become a generation of people who give up too easily? Or, do we really just grow apart with age? Is there really just one "perfect" person for you, or is that just a myth? How did our grandparents' generation keep the love going? Why are we so eager to throw in the towel?

The early stages of a relationship are the exciting period. It's when the endorphins and emotions are running crazy. Then there is the cooling off period, when individual differences come to light. Sometimes those differences can bring strength to the relationship, and still others can prove to be a divisive. No two couples are the same, no two situations are the same, and ultimately it is up to the individuals to make the decision as to where the relationship is to go.

Is love something we take too lightly in our society? Do we confuse love and romance, or are the two one and the same? I once heard it said that Romance is what you do in the bed on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Love is what you do at 7:15 on Tuesday morning when you are hurrying to get ready to go to work. In a lot of ways, that is true. Love isn't necessarily a "feeling", and all too often, I think we tend to forget that. It's going to naturally have its highs and lows, but when the low turns into a rut, that's a call to action. The question is, will you answer the call or simply ignore it, hoping it will go away..

Here's my confession: I want to know what love is. I'm one of those love hungry people, trying my best to survive...I want the passion, the common interests, the spark that keeps love going. Life is moving along briskly for me and I'm tired of feeling like a "roommate". A relationship can't be one-sided. It has to be balanced. One partner can't play the martyr and say "look at all these sacrifices I've made for you." while the other sits idly by. Relationships are not easy. They take a tremendous amount of work-not by one member of the relationship-by by both. I'm going to keep working, until I find the answer.

LOVE AND MARRIAGE

The song goes "Love and Marriage…you can't have one without the other..." Is this a true statement or just clever lyric writing? It seems the more I go through life and observe couples who have been together for an extended amount of time reach a state in their relationship of just being. It’s neither love nor marriage. It just is. It is just a co-coexistence of sorts. I don't know if this is an exception or a rule. I think of the people in my own life, my very own family, even. Both sets of my grandparents had separate bedrooms. I rarely, if ever, saw them being affectionate with one another. Does familiarity breed contempt? Yet, I sometimes see elderly couples who have been together for decades who appear to be more in love today than they were the day they married. What is their secret? What causes some couples to draw closer together as they age and some to drift apart like rafts caught in a rapid current? Certainly it can't be a generational thing, as my grandparents are evidence. Certainly relationships takes work, but have we as a people, young or old, lost the ability or desire to invest the time necessary? Or, would we rather just throw in the towel at the first sign of tension? Do love and marriage go hand in hand? Why do some couples live to love one another and some can't wait to be apart? Why do some couples love so much that when one of them dies the other immediatly follows, and yet others can bury their companion and go on like nothing ever happened?

Here's my confession: I've been in two long term relationships and at some point in both of them, there has come a time of indifference. Am I normal or do I just suck at relationships? Do opposites really attract? Am I a product of my life experiences? I don’t really know. What I do know is that I have a fear of failure. What I really desire is normalcy. Undoubtedly, “normal” is different for each individual and certainly each couple. Ultimately, it boils down to communication. It boils down to clearly defining the goals of the relationship. Whether the relationship is to last 5 months or 50 years, is, to a great deal, up to the couple, with a little bit of fate thrown in. So, Love and Marriage, Love and Marriage…you can’t have one without the other…or can you?