GRATITUDE 08.22.08

I pause again to reflect on the immense gratitude I have for the people and things in my life. I've written a lot lately about the people in my life, the friends who have such a special place in my life, and, while I won't mention them by name again, I will say that these wonderful friends truly lighten my load.

I am mindful, as I write this, of the tremendous gratitude I have for the gift of music. While I'd be the first to confess I'm not perfect, I admit that I have been blessed with vocal and instrumental abilities that others only wish they could have. Sitting down at my piano, being able to play the instrument, having the knowledge, coordination and skill is something I'm sure I've easily taken for granted. I'll likely never be a virtuoso pianist and I likely won't even be giving a voice or piano recital at Carnegie Hall, but I am so grateful for the opportunities I have been afforded to share my talents. Accompanying at church is one of the greatest highlights of my week. Now that I've joined the gay men's chorus, I'm excited about using my voice again, the opportunities it will bring me and grateful that a group like this is exists.

I'm grateful for the path my life is taking, even though the twists and turns don't always make sense at the time, they usually end up perfectly clear in the end. I'm grateful for the peace and perspective that singlehood has given me. I'm grateful for the perspective that angry feelings have provided me in the last few days. Seeing situations in my life in a new light has taught me some invaluable lessons. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us. I'm grateful for those who helped me realize this tid-bit of truth. Enough with the condescension! I'm 35, not 3! I've let that go on too long. Finally, I've reached (or am reaching) a point in my life where being in a relationship, finding a relationship, is not my priority. Getting to know myself, feeling comfortable with me, however, is a priority. I believe when, and if, the time is right, a new relationship will happen. Until then, I am finding that my life is full of so much, and my gratitude overflows.

Here's my confession: One of my favorite scriptures is from the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes. It says "to everything there is a reason, a time and purpose under heaven..." I'm finding that is so true. Each new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. There are lessons to be learned from each situation, relationship and experience in which we find ourselves. I'm grateful for the lessons I've gleaned this week from living, from breaking down comfort zones and solitude. I'm grateful for the opportunity to live my life, to become a stronger person and see there's strength inside of me I didn't know existed. And you will probably be grateful I refrained from using the profanity I was tempted to use a few paragraphs up!