I’m sitting here, an expressionless, wordless fool. I don’t have the words to tap into the emotions deep within. I feel like a tornado’s happening in my brain…with all the questions, thoughts and fears colliding. It’s like I’m in a swirling vortex leading to a downward spiral of absolute nothingness.
It’s the thoughts of relationships, thoughts of friendships, thoughts of financial pressures. There are no answers, only theories. I’m trying to live in the Now, but with all the stuff that comes my way each and every day I’m exhausted—mentally, physically and, most importantly emotionally.
I’m at a place in my life where I am absolutely amazed at how far I’ve come, how many relationships I’ve cultivated, yet, I have to wonder if I am any happier than at any other point in my life. I have to wonder what the hell it’s all about. I have to wonder WHY I don’t feel the slightest bit of peace, why I’m so uptight about everything, why I allow the small stuff to rule my day.
Here’s my confession: I’m frustrated beyond words. This blog is not one of my better ones, but the one thing it is—or at least touches on—is an honesty with myself. It takes me to a place I never want to be—that place where vulnerability is in control. One day, one day soon, I’ll figure out why the weight of the world is on my shoulders, why I can’t find the peace I so desperately seek. Were it not for my incredible friendships, I couldn’t have traveled this road. I couldn’t have possibly made the progress. One day, I’ll look back and laugh, then move right along with life. Peace..it seems every elusive, but at this very down moment I would settle for contentment.
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1 comment:
I have said an extra prayer for you, my friend, and hope that you find that weight lifted soon.
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