BRICK WALLS

I’ve been blogging about all the changes in my life for 20 months now. There have definitely been peaks and valleys along the way. Sometimes I’m going along and things are just going very well, then, out of the blue I hit a brick wall. I feel like every single bit of energy has been zapped from me, all the progress is seemingly suddenly undone. It’s frustrating. It’s depressing. Yet, at the same time, it is very necessary. Growth happens in spurts. The growth, I suppose wouldn’t mean as much if it were just on going, blissful, and uninterrupted. That’s life. And, as one of the television commercials says for an insurance company “Life comes at you fast.”

I spent most of last week feeling like I’d hit a brick wall. Life, most definitely, had come at me fast. I was deeply depressed, tired, scared, fearful, and didn’t know where to turn, I didn’t know what was going on in my life. There were moments I felt like I wasn’t even present in my own body. It seemed at every turn there was some hidden surprise just waiting to jump out at me—bad news about my fairly new tires for my car, a stressful week of work, difficult choir rehearsals and personal struggles all came to a head all in that one week. BOOM! Brick wall. No warning. It was just there. And I plowed into it with all my might!

This week is still a bit stressful, but things seem to be smoothing out. I’m tired of being tired all the time. I’m tired of struggling. And I’m tired of feeling like I’ve made two steps forward, two miles back. It’s all just part of the process.

Here’s my confession: I’ve gotten away from myself. I’ve lost a bit of myself. I have to make a concerted effort to forge ahead. I have to get back into reading “The Feeling Good Handbook”, “The Power of Now” and taking care of myself…making sure that I am true to my happiness, my needs, my wants, and don’t compromise for anything. Life is good. Life is damn good. I’ve made a lot of progress since that first posting some 20 months ago, but I don’t think this is where the road ends. I believe that as long as there is breath flowing through my body, as long as there is oxygen flowing through my brain, that I have the opportunity to continue to grow and become. I have wonderful people in my life who care for me and love me unconditionally. But most importantly, I have myself, and yes, I do love myself. And, really, isn’t that where it all starts? Tomorrow has enough of its own worries. Today--that's the gift I have, and today is where I have to live!