The song goes "Love and Marriage…you can't have one without the other..." Is this a true statement or just clever lyric writing? It seems the more I go through life and observe couples who have been together for an extended amount of time reach a state in their relationship of just being. It’s neither love nor marriage. It just is. It is just a co-coexistence of sorts. I don't know if this is an exception or a rule. I think of the people in my own life, my very own family, even. Both sets of my grandparents had separate bedrooms. I rarely, if ever, saw them being affectionate with one another. Does familiarity breed contempt? Yet, I sometimes see elderly couples who have been together for decades who appear to be more in love today than they were the day they married. What is their secret? What causes some couples to draw closer together as they age and some to drift apart like rafts caught in a rapid current? Certainly it can't be a generational thing, as my grandparents are evidence. Certainly relationships takes work, but have we as a people, young or old, lost the ability or desire to invest the time necessary? Or, would we rather just throw in the towel at the first sign of tension? Do love and marriage go hand in hand? Why do some couples live to love one another and some can't wait to be apart? Why do some couples love so much that when one of them dies the other immediatly follows, and yet others can bury their companion and go on like nothing ever happened?
Here's my confession: I've been in two long term relationships and at some point in both of them, there has come a time of indifference. Am I normal or do I just suck at relationships? Do opposites really attract? Am I a product of my life experiences? I don’t really know. What I do know is that I have a fear of failure. What I really desire is normalcy. Undoubtedly, “normal” is different for each individual and certainly each couple. Ultimately, it boils down to communication. It boils down to clearly defining the goals of the relationship. Whether the relationship is to last 5 months or 50 years, is, to a great deal, up to the couple, with a little bit of fate thrown in. So, Love and Marriage, Love and Marriage…you can’t have one without the other…or can you?
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4 comments:
Yes, You cannot have one without the other.We can say it in a clear way that, we won't get a happy marriage life without love. We won't get married if there is no love between us. So, you cannot have one without the other. And I got my love and marriage by a website named interracialmatch.com.Do you believe online dating.
There come points in ALL relationships where changes occur. The "can't keep my hands off you" kind of infatuation cannot possibly last forever, yet when it morphs into deeper caring, true caring, we don't really know how to deal. It takes daily kindnesses and working through crisis after crisis-knowing that the world does NOT end with every conflict, that we can trust another to love us as flawed as we all are.
I think the death knell to most long relationships is a stereotyped "taking it for granted" thing-you don't know what you have because it's been in your closet for so long. If someone comes along to clean your stuff out and send it to Good Will, all of the sudden it sure gives you a wake-up call. Be kind to each other-NICER than you would be to strangers. Say, thank you, give hugs daily, thank God for having found someone who wants to be with you for more than one night.
in contrast to what debby wrote, i believe that marriage and love are two things which do not necessarily go together. historically, marriage is a social contract. arranged marriages are things rarely seen in our culture, but they bring together two people who do not love one another and bind them together. in our culture, we do know the other person (and generally believe we love them [or have knocked them up / been knocked up by them]) but from all the married people i talk to, you really DON'T know the other person till well past the wedding.
on the flip side of that, i'll quote john mayer when he said, "all you need is love is a lie, cause we had love and we still said goodbye." so true. i have said 'i love you' to three different women in my life, including my current girlfriend. i've known it for true, yet the first two relationships imploded spectacularly very soon after the words left my lips. hopefully that theme won't repeat itself this time. its not that i lied and didn't really love them, but it became painfully obvious (especially in the first of those two relationships) that no matter how much i really do love that person, we are just not right for one another.
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