Driving this morning, the air was different, the scenery changing. It dawned upon me that it is October. Although the thermometer may not have gotten the memo here in Alabama, it is fall. Fall has always been one of my favorite times of the year because it conjures up fond memories of times spent with my grandparents as a child. I had the great fortune to know all of my grandparents and three of my four great grandparents. I have already written about the relationship I had with my maternal grandmother. I wouldn't be where I am today without that relationship. But it was my time with Doskie, my maternal great grandmother, which had such a profound impact on my life. As a child, it was Doskie who was perhaps my best friend and confidant. She and I would take long walks in the woods together. Those long walks were such an adventure for me and I think it helped keep her young, too. We were peas in a pod. She shared with me so many family secrets...many which I'll never repeat.
I would spend as much time with her as possible. Weekends, school holidays, summer vacations. I suppose she was a "cheap" babysitter. Yet, I'm not sure who was there to babysit. I think we were there for one another. She was 63 years my senior, but we were there, in essence, to watch one another. I was always given instructions of what I was to do if she was in need of medical attention. I think we identified with one another so well. She was an only child, too. I think she knew the loneliness I felt.
Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. I have memories of them all. But, as I go through life, it will be the memories of long nature walks and family chats with Doskie which I will carry with me. It is the taste her cornbread (made the old-fashioned way, with lard), her fried potatoes, her beef roast that I'll cherish. It is the memory of locking her out of her house while I sent her to get the mail and decorated her house for her birthday—after, of course, I had her make her own birthday cake. It is the carolers from the local churches who would serenade us at Christmas and deliver a fresh basket of fruits and nuts that will resonate in my head. It is falling asleep well before midnight on New Year's Eve, but having a celebration, just the two of us. It is the sound of her nightly gossip sessions on the telephone with her friends from yesteryear, her profound faith in God, though she didn't really go to church, her example, that helped mold me. It is my first Bible that I will forever cherish, for it came from her. It is making preparations for our large family (and extended family) Christmases, Thanksgivings and other gatherings that still linger in my mind.
Here's my confession: I didn't see my great grandmother the last few years of her life. She was moved to a nursing home. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing her in that environment. I did write a letter to her about a year or so before she died, and she wrote me back. While I didn't visit her in person, I think I visited her in her dreams, for in her mind, it seemed that I had just been for a visit. That brings me some comfort. I wonder, was I "there" with her as she peacefully went to sleep that night and woke up in the presence of her Lord? In so many ways, she knew me best, but in others, she never had the chance. I wonder, would she be proud of me today? Would she accept the person that I am? I have to believe that she knew certain things about me long before I did. I have to believe that she's somewhere out there, looking down on me, with a smile.
I would spend as much time with her as possible. Weekends, school holidays, summer vacations. I suppose she was a "cheap" babysitter. Yet, I'm not sure who was there to babysit. I think we were there for one another. She was 63 years my senior, but we were there, in essence, to watch one another. I was always given instructions of what I was to do if she was in need of medical attention. I think we identified with one another so well. She was an only child, too. I think she knew the loneliness I felt.
Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. I have memories of them all. But, as I go through life, it will be the memories of long nature walks and family chats with Doskie which I will carry with me. It is the taste her cornbread (made the old-fashioned way, with lard), her fried potatoes, her beef roast that I'll cherish. It is the memory of locking her out of her house while I sent her to get the mail and decorated her house for her birthday—after, of course, I had her make her own birthday cake. It is the carolers from the local churches who would serenade us at Christmas and deliver a fresh basket of fruits and nuts that will resonate in my head. It is falling asleep well before midnight on New Year's Eve, but having a celebration, just the two of us. It is the sound of her nightly gossip sessions on the telephone with her friends from yesteryear, her profound faith in God, though she didn't really go to church, her example, that helped mold me. It is my first Bible that I will forever cherish, for it came from her. It is making preparations for our large family (and extended family) Christmases, Thanksgivings and other gatherings that still linger in my mind.
Here's my confession: I didn't see my great grandmother the last few years of her life. She was moved to a nursing home. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing her in that environment. I did write a letter to her about a year or so before she died, and she wrote me back. While I didn't visit her in person, I think I visited her in her dreams, for in her mind, it seemed that I had just been for a visit. That brings me some comfort. I wonder, was I "there" with her as she peacefully went to sleep that night and woke up in the presence of her Lord? In so many ways, she knew me best, but in others, she never had the chance. I wonder, would she be proud of me today? Would she accept the person that I am? I have to believe that she knew certain things about me long before I did. I have to believe that she's somewhere out there, looking down on me, with a smile.
5 comments:
I love the depth of your heart...
I think a lot about whether my people who have gone on are proud of me, too. And I believe they are. And I believe your great grandmother Doskie is proud of you, too.
People who really love you are always proud of you when you're honest enough with the world to be yourself.
This is so sweet. Makes me think of my childhood too. I long for those days.
OMG! You touched a place in my heart that even I feared to visit. You brought back so many memories of my Grandparents, in my childhood, and later in life when they both got too sick and frail to care for themselves. It was bittersweet and I thank you for sharing your heart and for reminding me that it is OK to cry and yearn for "the good ole times."
That just brought a tear to my eye! So sweet.
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