FINDING MY VOICE

So, I call my blog “Confessions of a Sunday Morning Organist”, yet, the thought occurred to me that I rarely write anything about music. For as long as I can remember, music has been a part of my life, even long before I was able to play an instrument. My paternal grandfather and several of my cousins on that side of the family were always very musical. I recall after holiday meals there would always be a “picking and grinning” session, involving the singing of old hymns accompanied by guitar and mandolin, and sometimes keyboard, as I have a cousin who plays by ear. I suppose that is where I get a great deal of my talent.

Music, whether instrumental or vocal, has had a transforming impact on my life. When I was finally allowed to take music lessons, I finally found something I could do. I had no athletic abilities whatsoever—to be honest I don’t even know how to play any sports and to say that I have a working knowledge of any sport would be a stretch, to say the least. But music, it gave me a purpose. It gave me something to strive for, something to be proud of. Within a year and a half of taking piano lessons, I was substituting as organist at church, shortly after that, I was accompanying the high school chorus. To a child like me, who had never had anything for which to be proud, these were huge accomplishments. Going to college, I majored in music quite by accident, but what a great accident it has turned out to be for me.

Here’s my confession: I will be the first to admit that I am not a perfect musician. I struggle with rhythm. I hit the occasional wrong note, but I’ve learned to let those minor things go. Often, nobody even notices those “mistakes” anyway. So, if they aren’t going to sweat over it, why should I? I am so blessed to be able to sit down and play the piano. Sometimes, if I’m feeling down, I’ll just sit down and play a hymn, usually “My Tribute”, which is my favorite hymn, and one of the few songs I can play completely from memory. Sometimes I can’t find the words to pray. Playing that favorite hymn completely lifts my spirits and is often more effective than a prayer.

Music has helped me find my “voice”, whether that “voice” is instrumental or vocal. I was a vocal major in college, but my first love will always be those 88 keys of the piano.

I am so very blessed to have been hired as church organist/pianist for my parish about a year and a half ago. It has been such an amazing experience for me. I continue to grow musically and to be challenged. There is no greater compliment than when a member of the congregation comes up to me thanking me for blessing them on a particular day with something I’ve played. I’m exactly where I’ve always wanted to be as a musician. I remember sitting in church with my grandmother as a ten year old dreaming of playing in church. I’m finally living my dream, and who wouldn’t want to be able to say that?