GRATITUDE 06.06.08

Wow! Another week has gone by and it’s time for me to reflect on the things for which I’m most grateful. Actually, this is the first time in a couple of weeks that I’m actually writing this blog on time, so I’m grateful for that.

As I look back over the week that was, I am most grateful for the clarity that is coming into my life. It seems that life is like a million little pieces to a puzzle, each one delicately fitting into the other. Such is my life. The pieces are starting to fall right into place. There have been times over the last few months where I was discouraged by the progress I was making. I felt I had hit a brick wall, that I had come as far on the journey towards progress as I was going to go. But, I realize, looking back, that wasn’t the case. I see, with clarity, that it’s not MY time table that I am to be following. There came a time when I had to just let go. And, when I did, the progress began again. Among the tiny little pieces of the puzzle are the larger-than-life blessings I call my friends who are so often quick to point out my progress. They are the ones who cheer me on to the next step on the journey, who cheer me on during the rough times and celebrate with me during the good times. While much of the journey has been of my own making, without these wonderful people in my life, both near and far, I cannot imagine that my journey would have been nearly as productive.

I’m grateful for an experience I had earlier in the week. It happened, of all places, at the bank. After making a deposit, the teller handed me my receipt. Now, my bank has recently started having their tellers write something on the receipt with their name…something like “Thanks for banking with us”. My receipt said “Enjoy Life! Nina”. That simple phrase made my day, my week. I was so moved that I wrote a note to the branch manager expressing my gratitude. I’ve never done anything like that in my life, but I hope that in some way her touching my life in such a positive way touched her life as well.

On a very personal level, I’m grateful for life. As some of you may know, my anxiety level, my depression, my overall dissatisfaction with life was at a very high level around this time last year. I was so over life that I wanted to die. I’m not talking suicide—I’m sure I’d find a way to screw that up and just be a vegetable for the rest of my days—just lying there for someone else to have to care for. However, there were days, which were more often than not, that I thought about death—how if there were just an auto accident and I could leave this world that things would be so much better. Now, a year later, I look back at the progress I’ve made, the LIFE I have inside me. The hopes, the dreams, and the future that is very much alive. I’m grateful for the medication, the counseling, and again, the friendships that have propelled me forward and taught me to look back only long enough to remember where I was, and how that’s a place I hope to never return.

Here’s my confession: This week, in many ways, has just been another ordinary, mundane week. But, if we are focused and look close enough, it’s in the mundane that we see the true treasures we all hold. Treasure, true treasure, is not necessarily things so much as it is people, situations and experiences. That’s where I’ve found my treasure, my gratitude, this week.