I've made it to the end of another week, a week that has, for the most part, been a huge blur to me. Nothing earth-shaking has happened, nothing incredibly out of the ordinary. Yet, even in an uneventful, simplistic week, I have reason to pause and reflect on the reasons for profound gratitude in my life.
Being a church organist/pianist can, at times, be a thankless position. The average parishioner probably doesn't know the amount of work it takes to serve in that capacity, how much I strive to choose preludes that are meditative, prayerful, contemplative as well as spiritual. I'll be the first to admit it, but I am not perfect, no matter how much I strive for perfection at the keyboard. Wrong notes happen. I'm human and that's ok. What touches me is over the last few weeks, choir members as well as parishioners have made it a point to tell me how much my music had touched them. Another thing that has really made me feel good is when I've told various people that my home is on the market, they ask if I'll still continue to come to church there. "Of course." is always my reply. "I'll keep playing until they tell me to stop coming.” That's almost always followed up with an "I don't see that happening" from the parishioner. I'm profoundly grateful for the opportunity to do what I absolutely love to do in the parish that means so much to me. Bring a pastoral musician is such a rewarding blessing to me, and the one childhood dream I've had come to full fruition.
I'm grateful for another opportunity in which I'm beginning to take a part musically. Although somewhat apprehensively, I'm in the process of joining the Magic City Choral Society, which is the gay men's chorus in Birmingham. Having not been a voice in a choir in some time, I'm looking forward to exploring this outlet and the experience it is going to give me by getting me out of my own self-imposed comfort zone. I'm grateful for being brave enough to take the first step, a step I hope to be in the right direction.
Where would I be without the wonderful people in my life? Nowhere. Many of my friends do not live close to me, but thankfully, the advent of technology has brought us all closer through email, facebook and cell phones. I'm grateful for the opportunity to get to know people from elementary school, such as Heather, someone I always looked up to, but was far too shy and felt too insignificant to ever be able to have a friendship. She's a frequent reader and often comments on my blog. It gives me a warm fuzzy to hear from her, and although it's been close to two decades since we've seen one another in person, I feel close to her through her own incredible blog and her touching and affirming comments on mine. I would not be here today without the beautiful friendship I share with Lee and Jane. They are friends to the end and have certainly seen me through the best of times and the worst of times and never in all these years have they ever faltered or failed me. For Morgan, my closest friend from high school, though our friendship was only casual until we were well into college and gotten out of our small town. One of my most treasured memories of my friendship with Morgan is when, in 1994, we drove to Knoxville together to see "Philadelphia" together, followed by dinner at Chili's. It was that night that I wanted, so intensely, to tell her I am gay. I couldn't utter the words to her. It would be another nearly three years before I could muster the courage to tell her. Today, Morgan is one of my greatest supporters and someone in whom I can always confide. We are always able to pick up exactly where we leave off. Morgan's parents are two of the most incredible influences and educators in my life, as well. Then there's Truvy. She and I have spent a decade together and life without her would be less colorful. Our friendship is one of those rare gems in life. Somehow, we are always able to "get" one another. She's certainly my "Grace" if ever there were one, and I'm her "Will" with a touch of "Jack" thrown in for good measure. G is like a mom, big sister and aunt all rolled into one. She brings to my life a unique perspective, and always tries to push me to be my best and encourages me when the chips are down. I know that one thing I can count on from G is that she will never tickle my ears with what I want to hear. She's a straight shooter with little if any wiggle room! Brandee and I go way back. The best way to describe her would be to say that she's my lesbian alter ego and voice of reason. Certain life experiences have been similar, and she brings to me a perspective I need, often to save me from my own self! Duncan and I went to college together, had a few classes together, but I wouldn't say we were anything more than casual acquaintances. However, through the miracle of cyberspace, I've connected with him through his very well written blog. A lesson I have learned from Duncan is that there's a side to people you may not ever see. I always thought of him as extremely conservative, rigidly religious and certainly not open-minded in the least. I assumed that he was a big homophobe. What I've discovered is that he is extremely supportive, not so rigid and has some brilliant thoughts. I wish I knew him better, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to know him as I do now. Last, but certainly not least on my list is Alexis. I met Alexis a little over a year ago through Lee and Jane. She's irreverent, witty and I think at times she's my heterosexual alter ego. Ours was an instant friendship, a deep connection and intensely rewarding. We are both pastoral musicians and both converts to Catholicism, ironically, we were both confirmed at the Easter Vigil in 2000.
What I've just described is a vibrant tapestry which covers my life. Each individual is essential in their own way, each individual has touched me, and continues to touch me in very profound ways. My gratitude is almost beyond expression. In life, we are lucky if we find one or two close friends who will be there in our darkest moments. I have so many. My cup certainly overflows.
Here's my confession: I am surrounded by so many wonderful and exciting people, places and things. Yet, if I fail to express my gratitude for the blessings in my life, what good does it do? I'm going through some major life transitions right now, and, thankfully, GREATFULLY, I have the love and support of friends. They don’t have to live next door to be close to me. As corny as it may sound, they live in my heart. And, as I continue to experience life anew, I’m reminded with the dawning of each new day, just how blessed I am. I’ve worked so hard on myself over the last year, but I believe I’ve only scratched the surface. I’m almost a month into my 35th year and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. Perhaps it’s because I pause each week to reflect on my gratitude, perhaps it’s because I’m focused, perhaps it’s because life is heading in the right direction. Whatever the case, my heart overflows with gratitude and peace.
Being a church organist/pianist can, at times, be a thankless position. The average parishioner probably doesn't know the amount of work it takes to serve in that capacity, how much I strive to choose preludes that are meditative, prayerful, contemplative as well as spiritual. I'll be the first to admit it, but I am not perfect, no matter how much I strive for perfection at the keyboard. Wrong notes happen. I'm human and that's ok. What touches me is over the last few weeks, choir members as well as parishioners have made it a point to tell me how much my music had touched them. Another thing that has really made me feel good is when I've told various people that my home is on the market, they ask if I'll still continue to come to church there. "Of course." is always my reply. "I'll keep playing until they tell me to stop coming.” That's almost always followed up with an "I don't see that happening" from the parishioner. I'm profoundly grateful for the opportunity to do what I absolutely love to do in the parish that means so much to me. Bring a pastoral musician is such a rewarding blessing to me, and the one childhood dream I've had come to full fruition.
I'm grateful for another opportunity in which I'm beginning to take a part musically. Although somewhat apprehensively, I'm in the process of joining the Magic City Choral Society, which is the gay men's chorus in Birmingham. Having not been a voice in a choir in some time, I'm looking forward to exploring this outlet and the experience it is going to give me by getting me out of my own self-imposed comfort zone. I'm grateful for being brave enough to take the first step, a step I hope to be in the right direction.
Where would I be without the wonderful people in my life? Nowhere. Many of my friends do not live close to me, but thankfully, the advent of technology has brought us all closer through email, facebook and cell phones. I'm grateful for the opportunity to get to know people from elementary school, such as Heather, someone I always looked up to, but was far too shy and felt too insignificant to ever be able to have a friendship. She's a frequent reader and often comments on my blog. It gives me a warm fuzzy to hear from her, and although it's been close to two decades since we've seen one another in person, I feel close to her through her own incredible blog and her touching and affirming comments on mine. I would not be here today without the beautiful friendship I share with Lee and Jane. They are friends to the end and have certainly seen me through the best of times and the worst of times and never in all these years have they ever faltered or failed me. For Morgan, my closest friend from high school, though our friendship was only casual until we were well into college and gotten out of our small town. One of my most treasured memories of my friendship with Morgan is when, in 1994, we drove to Knoxville together to see "Philadelphia" together, followed by dinner at Chili's. It was that night that I wanted, so intensely, to tell her I am gay. I couldn't utter the words to her. It would be another nearly three years before I could muster the courage to tell her. Today, Morgan is one of my greatest supporters and someone in whom I can always confide. We are always able to pick up exactly where we leave off. Morgan's parents are two of the most incredible influences and educators in my life, as well. Then there's Truvy. She and I have spent a decade together and life without her would be less colorful. Our friendship is one of those rare gems in life. Somehow, we are always able to "get" one another. She's certainly my "Grace" if ever there were one, and I'm her "Will" with a touch of "Jack" thrown in for good measure. G is like a mom, big sister and aunt all rolled into one. She brings to my life a unique perspective, and always tries to push me to be my best and encourages me when the chips are down. I know that one thing I can count on from G is that she will never tickle my ears with what I want to hear. She's a straight shooter with little if any wiggle room! Brandee and I go way back. The best way to describe her would be to say that she's my lesbian alter ego and voice of reason. Certain life experiences have been similar, and she brings to me a perspective I need, often to save me from my own self! Duncan and I went to college together, had a few classes together, but I wouldn't say we were anything more than casual acquaintances. However, through the miracle of cyberspace, I've connected with him through his very well written blog. A lesson I have learned from Duncan is that there's a side to people you may not ever see. I always thought of him as extremely conservative, rigidly religious and certainly not open-minded in the least. I assumed that he was a big homophobe. What I've discovered is that he is extremely supportive, not so rigid and has some brilliant thoughts. I wish I knew him better, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to know him as I do now. Last, but certainly not least on my list is Alexis. I met Alexis a little over a year ago through Lee and Jane. She's irreverent, witty and I think at times she's my heterosexual alter ego. Ours was an instant friendship, a deep connection and intensely rewarding. We are both pastoral musicians and both converts to Catholicism, ironically, we were both confirmed at the Easter Vigil in 2000.
What I've just described is a vibrant tapestry which covers my life. Each individual is essential in their own way, each individual has touched me, and continues to touch me in very profound ways. My gratitude is almost beyond expression. In life, we are lucky if we find one or two close friends who will be there in our darkest moments. I have so many. My cup certainly overflows.
Here's my confession: I am surrounded by so many wonderful and exciting people, places and things. Yet, if I fail to express my gratitude for the blessings in my life, what good does it do? I'm going through some major life transitions right now, and, thankfully, GREATFULLY, I have the love and support of friends. They don’t have to live next door to be close to me. As corny as it may sound, they live in my heart. And, as I continue to experience life anew, I’m reminded with the dawning of each new day, just how blessed I am. I’ve worked so hard on myself over the last year, but I believe I’ve only scratched the surface. I’m almost a month into my 35th year and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. Perhaps it’s because I pause each week to reflect on my gratitude, perhaps it’s because I’m focused, perhaps it’s because life is heading in the right direction. Whatever the case, my heart overflows with gratitude and peace.
4 comments:
Wow - so good you posted it twice! LOL
You have no idea how much you have touched my life. You helped pave the road leading out of my closet, and you have been there through good and bad. And when my phone is lacking in profane text messages, you are right there supplying them and reminding me what a horrible sinner I am! Where would I be without you?!! :b I, too, have been blessed with great friends that I have held onto over the years, and I am so grateful that you are one of them. Keep up the great work!!
I'm also grateful that you see me for who I am. It takes listening on a lot of levels to become friends. Thanks for that...
Thank you for mentioning our growing friendship or renewing friendship as I like to think. I do enjoy your blog and get worried about you when you go awhile without posting. I do hope that if you are ever up this way again that we can get together if nothing else for a quick dinner or something. Each time I read your blog, I realize what a special, wonderful person you are! I often pray for you. Take care, Heather
I am so proud of how far you've come since that night at Chili's. I'll never forget it either, knowing now what I didn't know then!
Thanks for being a constant pen pal to me through the years. I'm so thankful for the times we do get to spend together in person, although they are few and far between.
You are a very special person and I'm glad you're finally admitting it. :-)
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