THROWING CAUTION TO THE WIND

I have a boyfriend. I’m in a relationship. This wasn’t supposed to happen yet. I was supposed to be in relationship “time out” until after Valentine's Day, 2009. But, I’m sitting here, gathering my thoughts as I sit on my boyfriend’s sofa. Oh, I’ve heard my friends’ concerns: “Take it slow.” “Enjoy it.” “Don’t rush.” “Be Careful.” These are no doubt phrases I’ve heard over and over the last few weeks from my friends, who because they are my friends have my best interest in mind. And, try as I might, it seems that I’ve thrown caution to the wind. That’s not to say that I’m being ridiculous, but I admit that things have gone faster that I’d have ever imagined they would. But, in talking with other couples, I take solace in the fact that you can’t put a timeline on love and relationships. Each relationship takes its own timetable. And, sometimes you just know.

The only thing I know to do is to live each day and experience it fully. It’s hard to keep myself from looking into the future, wondering and dreaming about what the tomorrows hold for Lane and me. I wonder if it’s wrong to even look into the tomorrows. I sometimes wonder if we’ve both lost our minds. Then, we look at one another, and I remember all our commonalities, and I think maybe, just maybe, I’m not that crazy after all. The future is still being written, and today is truly all we have.


Here’s my confession: Even though I’ve changed a lot in the last year and a half, there’s still a lot of fear in me. I bring a lot of baggage with me into this relationship. I wonder what I have to do to keep things alive, to keep the same mistakes that happened in my two previous relationships from happening again. It’s difficult, but not impossible. I have to learn, and find, that delicate balance in my life where I don’t lose “me”, as I so often do. It’s all about striking that balance so that there’s the individual and the couple. So, I’ve thrown caution to the wind. Falling in love is a mysterious thing. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. Even if it all falls apart, which I hope it doesn’t, I’m better for the experience. I’d be lying if I were to say that I’m not scared about where things are heading, and how fast they’ve gone. But, at the same time, I am grateful that my path has crossed with someone who loves me, respects me and that all indications point to someone with whom a bright future is not out of the question. I find myself physically and emotionally drained these days, but, as I’ve said before, Life IS good, and it’s only getting better with the dawning of each new day. It’s definitely an exciting time to be alive, and I’m blessed to have found someone who wants to share my todays and tomorrows with me.