HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

It has been said that Christmas is all in the heart and that home is where the heart is. If those two clichés are indeed true, then I was most certainly home for the holidays. Christmas was not spent with my family of origin. Christmas was, and is, being spent with the family I’ve created for myself-those dear and loving friends I’ve come to love and view as my family.

I haven’t spent a Christmas with my family of origin in six years. To some that may be very sad or even unfathomable. However, to me, it’s just the way things are. And, this year, more than any before, So many things have happened in my life to allow me to expand my family even more. In the coming days as we approach 2009, I will reflect more deeply on the many blessings and changes this year has brought into my life.

Tonight, I pause to reflect on Christmas. I pause to think of my “family”-both my family of origin and my created family. I think of the relationship I have with my family of origin, and it’s difficult to even put into words my thoughts or feelings about them. I was raised by two parents who did the very best they knew how to do to raise me, and I hope, even believe that they are proud of the man they raised. Yet, somewhere along the way, things fell apart. I left the nest and things changed. I changed. They changed. We changed. I don’t know if the relationship will ever be salvaged. I don’t know if, in my heart of hearts, I even want that relationship to be salvaged. Perhaps only time will tell and situations dictate what is to ultimately transpire. I don’t get them, they don’t get me. We were seemingly plopped into the middle of each others' lives and nobody really knew what to do. Maybe that’s just how these things go.

On the other hand, especially this year, I’ve been so fortunate to have had amazing people walk into my life. I’ve lived in Birmingham for nearly eleven years, yet somehow I only started “living” in Birmingham this year. I’ve met so many people who have left indelible marks on my life. I have made some of the dearest friends of my life in the last several months. Sometimes it seems too good to be true—that people actually give a damn about me. But, I guess the truth of the matter is that only in the last year or so have I even started giving a damn about myself. I’m so grateful that I’ve been able to grow beyond the introversion, fears and self-doubt that have, for far too long, held me back.

Christmas Day, 2008 was spent with my family. I spent a couple of hours with Lane, his ex wife and their children. I spent the rest of the day with another friend from my men’s chorus and a group of his friends. It was a very low-key kind of day, but very satisfying to my soul.

Here’s my confession: As I continue to evolve as a person, an individual, I see so many wonderful things happening in my life. I certainly had thoughts about my family of origin on Christmas Day. But it’s the family that I’ve created, the warmth and the love that I receive each and every day from the people I’ve allowed into my life that have touched me most this holiday season.

The Advent and Christmas season this year found me in social situations I would have never in my wildest dreams imagined myself. Yet, it is those situations that have been refining me, molding me and redefining who I am and who I thought I would be. And, in the midst of the tumult of this thing called life, it is from my “family”, that I’ve been given the greatest moments of peace. The journey is far from over. There are many more tomorrows and many more experiences. While I know that people will come and go from my life, be they friends or “partners”, I know that each and every life that touches mine more often than not leaves me in some way better than they found me. That’s something you can’t unwrap on Christmas morning. And the greatest thing you can realize is that, as long as you are surrounded by the people you love, be it physically or just in thought, or a quick phone call or random text message, that you are home. Home IS where the heart is, and I can’t think of a better place to be for the holidays than “home”.