I WONDER AS I WANDER...

Advent is a season of hope, promise and good will. This year, especially, I find that we are truly in need of these three elements in our world. Our bank accounts are tight, our country is at war and we may find that we become more aware of already strained relationships with those we love. Where is the hope, the promise and good will in all of this?

In my own life, I struggle with a home that must sell, familial relationships that have seen better days and a bank account that barely makes ends meet. I struggle with my own hopes, dreams and independence. I fight with insecurities, fears and a few regrets.
I think it's probably natural for us to wonder at times what the grass is like on the other side of the fence. Is it truly greener, or are we better off staying where we are? It's been nearly a year since Parker and I parted ways. I've done a lot of growing in that time, yet I often wonder if I've truly arrived at that place in my life towards which I've been working so hard. I wonder if the life I'm living is truly where I'm supposed to be or if I got off the exit a little too early? I wonder how hope, peace and contentment feel? Are these tangible or ever-elusive? How do I know if I've "arrived"?

Here's my confession: I'm a different person than I was a year ago. The progress has been slow and painful at times, but, at others, and for the most part, it has been intense and rewarding. Yet, I know that I am a work in progress. It would be easy to sit here and complain about the things that I want to change in my life, but, if I'm being truly honest, the good in my life far outweighs any bad. The people and experiences in my life are gratifying beyond measure. As I go through this season of Advent, I pause to reflect on the experiences that have brought me to this moment. I pause, reflecting on how far I've come, but how much farther I have left to go. I know that one day, when the time is right, the house is going to sell, the economy is going to improve and all relationship issues will find resolution. It's as though I'm going through my own personal advent.