Today a friend told me that people really do like me. It’s nice to have that reassurance, because I’ve never really felt like I actually make a difference in people’s lives, or that people really care.
I feel at times because of the division between my parents and me that I have failed as a son. However, while I know that although I’ve done some things to cause the division, I also know that I have reached out with cards and letters. Have I been as good a son as I want to be? No, I haven’t, but I’ve tried.
In other areas of my life, I try to be the kind of friend a friend would want to have. Sometimes, I’m certain I fail at that task miserably, but my friends are precious gifts to me. I feel it necessary to be there for them as much as I can, whether it is my physical presence or just a phone call, a chat online, I try to be available.
I work downtown, so I see people less fortunate than I am every single day. I work near a homeless shelter and have to pass in front of another homeless agency on my way to lunch or the bank. I’m often approached and asked for change, money, etc. And, no, I don’t give. At times I feel like a cold hearted person, wondering how I would feel were I in that person’s situation. I wonder, what IF that really was Christ appearing to me? But still, I go on. I go on as if they never approached me. Does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so. I think it makes me human.
Here’s my confession: I strive to be a good person. I believe that we all do. I don’t think most people set out to be “bad”, but I think that we all fall short of the goals we have to be as good as we wish we were. I, myself, hate conflict. I don’t deal with it well at all. I don’t like the fact that my parents and I do not have a relationship. I don’t like that sometimes I say things before I think them through. I don’t like thinking that something I’ve done has caused another person pain. But, I believe that while we all have room for improvement in all areas of our lives, that I am the best me today that I know how to be. And, as long as I continue to strive to be that person, that friend, that son that I know I should be, I’m truly being as good a person as I want to be.
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2 comments:
Friendships are difficult and they are work. Good ones often seem to flow easily and peacefully, but when you really look closely, you realize that you are putting work into them. You have many friends who love you deeply. To accept and receive that gift from them is to show them love as well.
I can also say that you are a good person. We all fail. When we do, the important thing is not to live in regret or fear, but to admit our failing, seek forgiveness, give and receive love, and walk forward.
You love and are loved and you do good to many. Your life is a blessing to others just as much as their lives bless you.
I think this is a question that in our own minds we always fall short on. We all want to be good people, but find it hard to look at ourselves that way. People are their own worse critics, and that is why we need the reassurances of our peers.
I cannot answer for everyone, but to me at least you have been the best possible friend I could ask for.
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