HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY or SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A MOTHERLESS CHILD

Today is the day we set aside to celebrate mothers. I haven’t seen my mother in three years and have only spoken to her once since then. If you’ve followed my blog, you’ve no doubt read of the many times I’ve tried to reach out to no avail.

I grew up as an only child. I cannot even fathom what it would be like to have a sibling. Furthermore, I grew up with a mother who really didn’t know what to do with me. I think I was a good child, didn’t get in trouble at school, I did a good job of keeping the house cleaned. But, as far as a relationship with my mother goes, I can only recall a small window of time—less than eight years--when we were even remotely close, and this was from the time of my coming out until the beginning of my relationship with Parker. She was, up to that point, very supportive, but something, somewhere along the way, changed.

My “mothering” came mostly from my grandmother and my Aunt Jean, with a little bit from my Aunt Vivian. My grandmother and Vivian are both deceased now, and, well, my relationship with my Aunt Jean hasn’t been quite the same since my coming out. Jean and I have, however, had a bit more correspondence over the last year.

So, how does one pay homage to a mother who is, for all practical purposes, non-existent in one’s life? How does one reach out to the unreachable? Some of my friends have, in the past, thought me callous and cold in the way I’ve dealt with my mother. Yet, as time has passed, they’ve seen how I’ve reached out with cards and letters and have received nothing in return. Finally, one friend in particular, Truvy, says that she thinks I’ve done everything in my power to reach out. The ball is no longer in my court.

Here’s my confession: If I’m being completely honest, today is just another day. There’s nothing whatsoever special about it. But, here goes: Happy Mother’s Day, Mother. I hope that whatever you are doing today, that God has mercy on you, and blesses you and watches over you. I hope that someday you’ll be able to know how your little boy has grown into a man who has many wonderful people in his life. Sometimes I do feel like a motherless child, but I’m proud of who I am. And, while I know you’ll probably never read this, I hope you know that there’s hardly a week that goes by in which I don’t think about you. Happy Mother’s Day and may peace attend your spirit.