GRATITUDE 06.04.10

We’ve come to the end of yet another week, and I pause again for a moment to reflect on all the amazing items in my life for which I am grateful. Gratitude is one of the single most important elements of my life. I believe that by simply showing, expressing and living a life of gratitude enables us to live with more peace in our lives and causes good karma to come our way.

I joined friends on Sunday evening at the gospel drag show. It’s always such a serendipitous spiritual experience. To be able to have an experience with the Divine in the most unorthodox of settings is something that truly defies words. While I was there, I realized just how many people I know. Person after person would come up to tip the drag queens (Grant and I, along with some other friends took our “regular” spot at the table at the front of the stage) and many of them spoke to me. Just to think that only two simple years ago, I didn’t know any of these people, that I would not have been sitting at a drag show and wouldn’t have even felt comfortable waking into a room full of other gays, really made me recall just how grateful I am for the experiences over the last couple of years. While I believe I still have a lot of learning and growing to do, I’ve come such a long way.

After the show, Keith came up to me and said he wanted to apologize for something that had happened earlier in the year. Keith and I had been good friends before. That all changed after the Bal this year when I started dating Wynn. Feelings were hurt, and a friendship was, for all practical purposes, ended. I saw Keith on a regular basis, but we ceased communication with one another. I made one attempt to reconcile with him, but he did not want to reconcile. So, I just let it go. However, Keith apologized on Sunday night, and we picked up the friendship like it had never been broken. We began chatting again and I believe have but the misgivings in the past where they belong. I’m grateful to have a good friend back. I’ve missed him.

I had some really down moments this week. I allowed my mind to drift into a place of “woe is me.” I found myself dwelling in two places that I shouldn’t have been-the past and the future. I allowed stress and anxiety to bring me down. I’m grateful that I was able to get out of that funk.

I continue to be grateful for the beautiful gift of music in my life. I’ve set some goals for myself to learn some new pieces of music. I’m amazed at how much I’ve grown as a musician. It is difficult to imagine the void that would be in my life without music, and most importantly, the piano. I enjoy my vocal experiences and being part of the men’s chorus, but it is the piano where I find my passion.

Yesterday, I spent time cleaning the house, paying bills and taking care of chores that I had been putting off. At the end of the day, I had such a feeling of accomplishment and a feeling of peace and satisfaction with the simplicity of the day. I truly had a sense of gratitude.

Here’s my confession: My life today is not what I imagined, but I’m grateful for where I am. I am a work in progress. I’m not always the friend that I should be. My intentions are pure. I’ve recently found that sometimes I just shut down and close myself off from the world. I’m grateful for the love and friendship that remains in spite of my failures. Even though I harbor many fears and frustrations that I would rather keep hidden in the dark spaces of my life, far away from the realities I am living, I’m grateful for the people who make a difference in my life. I am grateful for life and all the many lessons I learn each day. Far beyond the darkness of today’s situation lie the answers to each question, a balm for each hurt, and peace to replace each fear. And, along the journey, I chose gratitude as my companion.