Hello Self,
It is time we have a little talk. The first eight months of this year have been an adventure, to say the least. There has been love, heartbreak, joy, and sorrow. There have been moments of laughter and a fair amount of tears. It is time to get back on track, or may e get on track for the first time.
It is time to identify areas of life that need improvement. Three areas I am identifying as being in most need of work are: my body, my spirit and my time. Before I am able to move forward, I have to focus on learning to love my body, myself, being in tune with my spirit and the spirit of the higher power. Furthermore, I must be a better steward of my time. This means that I must focus on getting enough rest, being more punctual, and to devote deliberate time to the music, reading and other artistic endeavors.
I must make myself become disciplined in regards to a workout routine, ridding my body of unhealthy foods and habits. Starting off slowly and steadily, but deliberately and with focus. Taking care of the "temple", as it were, is a top priority, and has a spiraling effect on the other areas of my life lacking focus. I have to focus on making sure That my body is well-rested. Taking care of the temple spills over into my relationships with other people, my overall happiness and well-being and with how I see myself.
Spiritually, I will focus on the disciplines of meditation and centering prayer. I must learn to be content and at peace with the blessings I already have, and learn to not focus on what I do not have. When speaking in terms of taking control of my spiritual life-I am not necessarily focusing on a particular creed or doctrine, but rather my spirituality as a whole. I find much comfort in all the ancient teachings of the Buddha, The Christ and other spiritual teachers. Meditation, Yoga, Prayer and writing letters to God will be partners on my spiritual journey.
Time Management is essential to each and every thing I write about here. I need to devote more time to developing my skills as a musician, my writing of this blog and developing interests such as crochet, reading (something I do not enjoy, but feel a need to develop) and making my life as organized as possible without being overwhelmed.
Here's my confession: I am tired of not being happy with the man in the mirror. I'm tired of just floating through life. Now is the time to make those changes. Now is the time to let peace transform my life, to discover what matters. It is time to focus on reconciliation-first with myself, then with other from which there is a sense of estrangement, a lack of closure, any sense of "unfinished business". I'm starting with the man in the mirror, and I'm asking him to change his ways...
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
HOW FIRM A FOUNDATION?
HOW FIRM A FOUNDATION?
It seems that I am always in a contemplative mood-and perhaps lately more so than usual. I know the metaphor is corny, but I’ve been captivated by the television series “Six Feet Under” in the last few weeks, having purchased the box set of the series for myself as one of the many ways I treated myself for my birthday. As the series begins its second season, the matriarch of the Fisher family finds herself participating in a program in which she creates a new “blueprint” of her life. Her children feel she has lost her mind, as she goes about taking about changing her foundation, the blueprint, the floor plan, etc.. I have to admit the idea is a bit of a challenge to me, to take a look deeper within to understand who and what I am supposed to be.
I have a firm foundation—that being the friends and people in my life-near or far that love me. Some of you reading this blog are miles, states, and ages away, some of you are right here in the same city. Some I have seen recently, for some of you it has been a decade, maybe two or so since I’ve seen you, but for some reason, we are connected through this blog, through facebook or some other social media platform, and for that I am grateful.
My foundation provides support for those day-to-day struggles and celebrates the joys and successes. Yet, I question if the rest of the structure is as sturdy as the foundation. I find many cracks as I go throughout the phases of daily life. There are things over the last four years of growth that I’ve come to love about myself and still other about myself that must be addressed.
Here’s my confession: If you are looking at the house which is “metaphorically” me, just judging from the exterior, you might think, oh, everything is perfectly there and how could I even fathom changing a single thing.
The truth is, inside, I have a lot of changes ahead-I have to figure out a career path, work with reconciling with family and friends. I have to get ready to figure out my career path. I know that I have to fight the good fight, be willing to participate-beyond anything, in repairing the cracks in my own foundation. I’m ready to be the man I am destined to be.
It seems that I am always in a contemplative mood-and perhaps lately more so than usual. I know the metaphor is corny, but I’ve been captivated by the television series “Six Feet Under” in the last few weeks, having purchased the box set of the series for myself as one of the many ways I treated myself for my birthday. As the series begins its second season, the matriarch of the Fisher family finds herself participating in a program in which she creates a new “blueprint” of her life. Her children feel she has lost her mind, as she goes about taking about changing her foundation, the blueprint, the floor plan, etc.. I have to admit the idea is a bit of a challenge to me, to take a look deeper within to understand who and what I am supposed to be.
I have a firm foundation—that being the friends and people in my life-near or far that love me. Some of you reading this blog are miles, states, and ages away, some of you are right here in the same city. Some I have seen recently, for some of you it has been a decade, maybe two or so since I’ve seen you, but for some reason, we are connected through this blog, through facebook or some other social media platform, and for that I am grateful.
My foundation provides support for those day-to-day struggles and celebrates the joys and successes. Yet, I question if the rest of the structure is as sturdy as the foundation. I find many cracks as I go throughout the phases of daily life. There are things over the last four years of growth that I’ve come to love about myself and still other about myself that must be addressed.
Here’s my confession: If you are looking at the house which is “metaphorically” me, just judging from the exterior, you might think, oh, everything is perfectly there and how could I even fathom changing a single thing.
The truth is, inside, I have a lot of changes ahead-I have to figure out a career path, work with reconciling with family and friends. I have to get ready to figure out my career path. I know that I have to fight the good fight, be willing to participate-beyond anything, in repairing the cracks in my own foundation. I’m ready to be the man I am destined to be.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
EVERYTHING CHANGES
It has been a while since I sat down to write a blog-although a million thoughts have been rolling around inside my head begging to be expressed. The entire year of 2011 has seen one very constant thing in my life: CHANGE
This year I met, and fell in love with George. This was the most incredible experience in my life-an experience where I learned so much about myself, my body, live and life. The ending of that relationship was about as painful as anything I've ever experienced. The only thing I can imagine more painful was the death of my grandmother, and yet, in ways, losing George was far more painful. I would not change a single second of the time I spent with George-because I know that is exactly where I was supposed to be--at that point in my life. I experienced a little bit of heaven here on earth. I experienced love. I experienced joy, and in the end, I experienced the most tremendous pain and sense of loss. Through it all, I grew, and for that, I believe it was worth every single moment of pain.
Now, I find myself at the beginning of a new relationship with Hampton. I enter this relationship with a great deal of caution, a great deal of holding back and with much protection for my heart. I'm taking this one single, solitary day at a time. What I know is that we have a tremendous amount of commonalities, and a hope and desire for a future together.
In the last few months I've been in touch with my father more-of all ways-through text messages. It's a simple step, but may be the catalyst for change along the path to reconciliation. It's difficult to imagine opening the doors to my life-even just a little bit-to the ones who gave me life. I have a letter written, yet I need to edit it and box it up along with a couple of things I need to send along.
I also find myself lost in contemplation about my career-lost in a seemingly endless sea of possibility, yet, dwelling in the reality of my own limitations- and looking at the opportunities that abound. It’s a very stressful crossroads at which I stand. Being an educator is nagging at me, pulling me and calling out to me. Do I follow? Do I cower? Do I follow in the path of least resistance.
Here’s my confession: Change is inevitable. Change is rarely easy-in many cases it is damn near impossible. I’m fortunate to have the an incredible support group of close friends to lean on and to learn from in each transition of life. Taking a leap into the unknown is a frightening experience, but, then again, remaining stagnant and not taking the effort to move past all the hurt and pain to see the hope of a brighter tomorrow robs us of the beauty of life, and the the richness it has to offer.
This year I met, and fell in love with George. This was the most incredible experience in my life-an experience where I learned so much about myself, my body, live and life. The ending of that relationship was about as painful as anything I've ever experienced. The only thing I can imagine more painful was the death of my grandmother, and yet, in ways, losing George was far more painful. I would not change a single second of the time I spent with George-because I know that is exactly where I was supposed to be--at that point in my life. I experienced a little bit of heaven here on earth. I experienced love. I experienced joy, and in the end, I experienced the most tremendous pain and sense of loss. Through it all, I grew, and for that, I believe it was worth every single moment of pain.
Now, I find myself at the beginning of a new relationship with Hampton. I enter this relationship with a great deal of caution, a great deal of holding back and with much protection for my heart. I'm taking this one single, solitary day at a time. What I know is that we have a tremendous amount of commonalities, and a hope and desire for a future together.
In the last few months I've been in touch with my father more-of all ways-through text messages. It's a simple step, but may be the catalyst for change along the path to reconciliation. It's difficult to imagine opening the doors to my life-even just a little bit-to the ones who gave me life. I have a letter written, yet I need to edit it and box it up along with a couple of things I need to send along.
I also find myself lost in contemplation about my career-lost in a seemingly endless sea of possibility, yet, dwelling in the reality of my own limitations- and looking at the opportunities that abound. It’s a very stressful crossroads at which I stand. Being an educator is nagging at me, pulling me and calling out to me. Do I follow? Do I cower? Do I follow in the path of least resistance.
Here’s my confession: Change is inevitable. Change is rarely easy-in many cases it is damn near impossible. I’m fortunate to have the an incredible support group of close friends to lean on and to learn from in each transition of life. Taking a leap into the unknown is a frightening experience, but, then again, remaining stagnant and not taking the effort to move past all the hurt and pain to see the hope of a brighter tomorrow robs us of the beauty of life, and the the richness it has to offer.
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