EVERYTHING CHANGES

It has been a while since I sat down to write a blog-although a million thoughts have been rolling around inside my head begging to be expressed. The entire year of 2011 has seen one very constant thing in my life: CHANGE

This year I met, and fell in love with George. This was the most incredible experience in my life-an experience where I learned so much about myself, my body, live and life. The ending of that relationship was about as painful as anything I've ever experienced. The only thing I can imagine more painful was the death of my grandmother, and yet, in ways, losing George was far more painful. I would not change a single second of the time I spent with George-because I know that is exactly where I was supposed to be--at that point in my life. I experienced a little bit of heaven here on earth. I experienced love. I experienced joy, and in the end, I experienced the most tremendous pain and sense of loss. Through it all, I grew, and for that, I believe it was worth every single moment of pain.

Now, I find myself at the beginning of a new relationship with Hampton. I enter this relationship with a great deal of caution, a great deal of holding back and with much protection for my heart. I'm taking this one single, solitary day at a time. What I know is that we have a tremendous amount of commonalities, and a hope and desire for a future together.

In the last few months I've been in touch with my father more-of all ways-through text messages. It's a simple step, but may be the catalyst for change along the path to reconciliation. It's difficult to imagine opening the doors to my life-even just a little bit-to the ones who gave me life. I have a letter written, yet I need to edit it and box it up along with a couple of things I need to send along.

I also find myself lost in contemplation about my career-lost in a seemingly endless sea of possibility, yet, dwelling in the reality of my own limitations- and looking at the opportunities that abound. It’s a very stressful crossroads at which I stand. Being an educator is nagging at me, pulling me and calling out to me. Do I follow? Do I cower? Do I follow in the path of least resistance.

Here’s my confession: Change is inevitable. Change is rarely easy-in many cases it is damn near impossible. I’m fortunate to have the an incredible support group of close friends to lean on and to learn from in each transition of life. Taking a leap into the unknown is a frightening experience, but, then again, remaining stagnant and not taking the effort to move past all the hurt and pain to see the hope of a brighter tomorrow robs us of the beauty of life, and the the richness it has to offer.