GETTING TO KNOW ME

No, this isn't one of those survey thingies. It's something more relevant, more personal. It's about the process I've been going through for the last several months. It's about change. It's about discovery. It's about action. Change is never easy, especially when it happens on a personal level, but change is also necessary in order to grow. As humans, we are creatures of habit, and would often prefer to just sit back, accept the status quo and live life in the rut we've created for ourselves rather than take the steps to get out of that rut. I know. I've been there. For me, something, somewhere along the way, snapped. I had been enveloped by a rut and knew that I had to make changes. It was something I had to do for me.

After suffering from anxiety for a long time, I sought the help of a counselor and my physician. Working through various issues has been a liberating experience. I can't say I've totally arrived, but I am well on my way. I've learned to let go of a great deal of the things in my life causing me pain. I've started getting to know ME. I'm making changes in my life for ME. I don't think it's self-centered. It is, however, a gift of self-love.

I received an email from a friend last week who said that the changes he's noticed in me are good for me. He noted that I am more decisive, assertive and determined, that it's like I'm finally becoming the person I am meant to be. I have to agree. I'm a little more proud of myself, a little more focused and this is just the beginning of a process that I believe will continue to change my life for the better.

Change has involved the conscious decision to stop worrying about relationships in my life that, despite my attempts to make amends, have not resulted in reconciliation. It's involved my sitting down and asking myself the hard questions: What is right for me? In what areas of my life do I want to grow? Where do I see myself in five or ten years? It's being honest with myself. It's the willingness to be open to the changes, and the determination to be able to put a plan into action to see results come into fruition. It's separating myself from those people and things in my life which bring me down rather than build me up.

Here's my confession: This has been the most difficult blog I have written yet. It's because I struggled to find the words to fully describe the process of me getting to know me. I spend a lot of my time thinking these days. The process of discovering who I am and where I'm headed in life has been incredibly invigorating. The blog has provided me with a very necessary catharsis and the acknowledgement from others that I am not the only one noticing these changes is a motivating force. It is my hope and prayer that the momentum keeps up. Stay tuned for updates on the changes still to come.