THAT RING DON'T MEAN A THING

Being the gay guy in the office, it seems I am often the go-to guy to figure out the sexual orientations of people in the workplace. Why this private bit of information is so important I haven't yet figured out myself, although, I admit, I am as guilty of wanting to know as much as anyone. I have an uncanny knack, it would seem, for gathering info on people. Really, I just have good research skills on the Internet mixed with a little bit of luck.

There is a guy in our office, I'll call him "Andrew". He's married (to a woman), has a couple of kids and, by most accounts, makes me look straight. He's always nicely dressed, is "one of the guys", and yet swishes around like he's a princess. I don't get it. He doesn't often make contact with me, but then again, I can understand his fear of exposure. "But he's married." if I've heard it once, I've heard it fifty times. I'm sorry...that ring don't mean a thing, except, of course, that he's possibly hiding his sexual orientation behind a marriage and family. There are many married men "keeping it on the down low". Many men are bi, or at least bi-curious. We live in an age when sex is relatively easy to come by, given the accessibility of the Internet to meet people. I have to wonder if it's more common now or if it's just more obvious. There’s another guy, I’ll call him “Tim”. He, too, is married, wears a wedding ring, but everyone is all abuzz about whether or not he is gay, straight or bi. Why it really matters, I’m not really sure. Maybe it’s the “novelty” of knowing someone who is gay, maybe it’s the mystery of knowing someone’s “dirty little secret” or maybe it’s just great fodder for office gossip.

I’m sure that these men, and countless others, have their own reasons for hiding behind their rings. Regardless of who we are, we all have skeletons in our closets. We all have things we don’t want to disclose to those with whom we interact on a daily basis. There are things, for whatever reason, we don’t want people to know about our personal lives. And, really, that’s probably the way it should be. Yet, in reality, it’s hard to hide everything, and speculation often runs rampant regardless of how open or closed we are, whether it be about our sexual orientation, if we’ve filed for bankruptcy, if we’re heading for divorce or any other number of circumstances in which we may find ourselves.

Here’s my confession: I’ve been sitting on this blog for nearly a month, not really knowing for certain why I was writing it until I had an epiphany of sorts a few days ago. I was thinking about the ring that I wear on my left hand given to me by Parker on the day we had our commitment ceremony. What does that ring mean? What was once a symbol of love and commitment, I’ve realized that lately, for me, is more of an accessory I wear than a symbol of something deeper. Many of those closest to me already know of this skeleton in my closet, some do not. Now, you do. It has taken me a while to be honest with myself about this situation and come to terms with it. Perhaps this is how those men I mentioned earlier feel about their situations. Maybe it is nobody’s business, maybe it is. At any rate, deeply personal issues can cause us to cower away from the truth, but is it not the truth that sets us free? Is it not the truth that makes us the bigger person? Does not being true to ourselves at the very core bring us a peace? Certainly all those ideals are easier to implement in theory than to put into practice. I know I have a way to go for the truth to truly set me free, but believe I will arrive.