A GIFT OF SONG

It has been several days since I’ve updated my blog, much to my own disappointment. I had planned to update it more often, especially throughout this holiday season. However, the many activities surrounding this season have brought fatigue and procrastination.

A lot of my blog entries float around in my head for several days before they actually are allowed to come to life. This one is certainly no different, and I’ve resolved that I will not go to bed tonight without breathing life into these words.

Over the last few weeks I have been riding a roller coaster of emotion. These last few months of my life have been filled with so many intangible gifts. I’ve received the gift of song, the gift of love and the gift of friends who love me in ways I never expected to be loved.

My own internal homophobia and introversion almost caused me to miss one of the things of which I’m most proud. However, I’m so glad for whatever forces caused me to walk through those doors to that first choir rehearsal with Birmingham’s gay men’s chorus. It is through this group that I’ve blossomed most. I’ve found my voice, friends and a great deal of peace with myself.

Last Thursday night was the culmination of a semester’s work with the Magic City Choral Society as we performed our Holiday Concert. Our sound was absolutely majestic, and one of the crowning moments of my life. If I were to die tonight, I could honestly say I’ve done something I’m proud of and that I’ve been a part of something much bigger than myself. I had several people in the audience that who came to support me. Among those friends were Parker, my ex, along with his boyfriend, Parker’s parents, Truvy and a couple of other people. This gave me an opportunity to invite people who are a huge part of my life into one of the most intimate areas of my life. Never before have I been so proud to be part of a choral ensemble. Never before have I enjoyed performing for the love of song. But this time was different. I knew that what I, along with the other men in the choir, was doing was important. It had worth, value.

Here’s my confession: There are a lot of unanswered questions in my life right now. But, in spite of that, I’m incredibly blessed. Questions will all find their solutions. The beauty is that, as we prepare in the next couple of days for the celebration of Christmas, that the most incredible gifts I’ll receive this year have already been received, and don’t come wrapped in packages with bows. These most cherished gifts are the gifts of love, warmth and friendship. These are the gifts that will continue to give and grow with the dawning of each new day and each new year.

Questions about family, relationships, work, money and so on consume a lot of my time, but the really important place for my focus to be is right here, today, in the present moment, for that is where I find myself surrounded by, both physically and emotionally, people who accompany me along life’s road.

Sure, there are days when I’m not having a mountaintop experience. There are days that the pain and frustration are very real. But, somehow, in the grand scheme of things, the days spent in the valley are more bearable knowing that I’ve been the recipient of so many wonderful gifts. The gift of song, which takes on so many different elements, is present in my life.

I would not be where I am today-a new person, a reinvented person, a person worthy of love, a person open to newness, a person people, it would seem, are proud to associate with. As I often say, the best “things” in life, are rarely “things”. They are the people and experiences that make life worth living. And so it is for me. A gift of song, is a gift of love.