GRATITUDE 2.27.09

I take a break today from the series of questions I’ve been pondering this week to once again get in the habit of my gratitude reflections. It’s nice to take a breather every once in a while just to pause for introspection. What a wonderful life I have. It’s not a perfect life. I struggle to make ends meet, with insecurities, fears, and doubts. I am human. I often fail, procrastinate and don’t always do the things I need to do. I take people and things for granted. It’s just part of life. I am truly aware that my worst day is always better than someone else’s best day, and for that I have a heart filled with gratitude.

As I look back over the week, I am grateful for the kind words of church people who told me how much my music means to them. I’m grateful for moments spent with friends who mean so much to me. I’m grateful for my health, my pets, and my job. I’m thankful that I had enough food to eat this week, and then when I did miss a meal, it wasn’t because I couldn’t afford to eat. I’m grateful to live in a country where I’m free to be myself, where I’m free to express myself.

I get so frustrated sometimes because it seems the economy is never going to improve, that my house is never going to sell and that I’m always going to be in this state of being to which I’ve grown so accustomed. However, when I really pause to be honest with myself and think long and hard about it—I have a roof over my head. I’m not sleeping out in the rain tonight. I live an abundant life and don’t even realize it.

Here’s my confession: The overwhelming theme of my life over the last year has been change and growth. Had someone told me one year ago that I’d be where I am on the journey today, I’m not so certain I’d have believed them. I’ve lived, I’ve loved, I’ve won far more than I’ve lost. So, six months or a year from now, I imagine I’ll be writing another gratitude blog in which I’m commenting about just how much more I’ve grown, what new experiences and people will have come into my life. I’m learning to be grateful for the moment in which I live, and look forward to the hopes of brighter, even more blessed tomorrows.

WHAT AM I DOING TO HELP OTHERS?

This is a difficult question for me to answer, because, quiet honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing to help others. I try to be a good friend. As I said in yesterday’s posting, I hope that my music helps others. Besides my involvement in church music and singing in the Choral society, I don’t think I have much of an impact in helping others.

I write my blog in the hopes that my life experiences will touch the lives of my readers—that my reflections of gratitude may cause my readers to reflect on their own blessings.

I try to treat my friends and family of choice with love and respect, to listen to them, to be there for them when they need me. I serve my brothers in the men’s chorus as their president and representative to our board of directors, in an attempt to make our chorus better.

Being fascinated with death, I’ve often thought of volunteering with a hospice organization. While this isn’t something I am actually doing now, it is something I would like to do to help others.

Here’s my confession: This has been a blog I’ve had to think about a lot, and haven’t really come up with a great many answers. I suppose that many of us help others in ways we may never know, and I hope that case is true for me. Relationships are important to me, and knowing that I am there for the people in my life is a responsibility I don’t take lightly. If I can lend an ear, bring a laugh or just brighten someone’s day just by my being there, I will be satisfied that I have accomplished my mission. Perhaps this topic gives me something to think about as the season of Lent begins: What can I do to help others? What can I do to improve the lives of those around me?

AM I DOING SOMETHING THAT MATTERS?

I think if we are all honest, we want to know that when we leave this world that we will have left a positive mark on the planet—that we will be remembered for doing good, for touching lives in a very positive way. We want to live lives so that when we die the speaker(s) at our funerals won't have to lie about us just to speak well of the dead.

Am I doing something that matters? What a question! Where to begin? I know I'm doing something that matters when, after mass, a parishioner I don't even know, or a visitor, comes up to me to tell me just how much they enjoyed the music—or how much my prelude touched them. That's my goal each week, of course—to touch lives through my music. I know I'm doing something that matters when church choir members thank me for what I'm doing. I know I'm doing what I love and love what I'm doing.

I know that singing with the Magic City Choral Society matters. It matters to me socially, musically and even on a spiritual/emotional level. Singing with this group of gay men makes me proud, and makes a difference in our community—regardless of the color of our skin, our sexual orientations, the side of town where we live, what kind of work we do, how much money we have in our bank accounts. It makes a difference because music is our common denominator. It is something that matters because, on so many levels, our voices are heard. We are a witness to the world in which we live of the diversity of our community. The music we make, the voices we unite, are greater than that which divides us, both within our own gay community and the community at large.

Here's my confession: Most of my days seem rather mundane, and it's hard to believe that my day to day life makes a difference. I get up, go to my job, do the things I need to do and then do it again, day after day. Yet, I have to believe that what I do touches people's lives. I have to believe that I do make a difference in the lives of friends who entrust to me their secrets, their devotion, their love. I have to believe that what I do does matter to the generations of gay people who will come after me, just as those who have paved the way for my generation have done. While the things I do may be minimal, I have to believe that in some way, somehow, everything I do will matter in the life of someone else. Maybe it's just a smile, or a kind word or a simple note. My life has meaning and what I do with my life matters. I don't know how many tomorrows there are for me, but it is my hope that each day counts, that I find a way to live each day to its fullest, that I will be remembered as someone who truly mattered.

AM I PURSUING MY DREAM, OR IS FEAR STOPPING ME?

In many ways I am truly pursuing my dream. One dream I had as a child was to be a church musician. I would always sit with awe and watch the pianist or organist play when I'd go to church with my grandmother. So, when the opportunity came my way to become an accompanist myself, I seized that opportunity. I'm far from the world's greatest musician, I make mistakes, but I enjoy what I'm doing and it provides me much needed additional income.

Also as a child, my dream was to be a school teacher. I was playing school with my cousins as a teenager—way longer than I should have been "playing school". While in college, I began as a Music Education major. After a few education courses, I knew that teaching was not something that was going to come easily to me, so I made the decision to pursue the Bachelor of Arts in Music. Still, over the years, I've thought of perhaps opening my own music studio, but the dream isn't so overpowering that it is the only thing on my mind.

I suppose the dream of which I've thought the most is going to graduate school. I honestly don't know what I'd study, but I would like, for my own edification, my own self-esteem, to have a Master's degree in something. Furthermore, I'd like to add the word Dr. to the front of my name and the initials Ph.D to the end of my name. This dream is where the fear and finances holds me back. First, I don't have a clear definition of what I want to study, what I would do with the degree once I attain it, or even how I would pay for it. I've never been the type who can take a blind leap of faith.

I've sat at the same job for nearly 11 years of my life. Is it my dream? No. It’s a means to an end. It pays the bills. It’s increasingly hard work in an increasingly hard economy and industry. I’ve learned a great many skills and had a great many wonderful professional experiences and friendships, but a dream it is not. Yet, every single day I think that I’m so incredibly blessed to work for a company who cares about me and has given me opportunities to grow.

Here’s my confession: I’ve a long way to travel before reaching my dreams, Many silent dreams and prayers have truly been peaceful. Each new day is full wonderful new beginnings. Lots of things serve as road blocks or directional arrows for me. Peace and contentment are just around the corner. So, I will continue to see where those arrows point me, dream the dreams and follow my heart, for that is the only way to travel in this life. Without a vision, says the Bible, the people perish. And, so, I dream of a vision...

WHO DO I LOVE, AND WHAT AM I DOING ABOUT IT?

Note: I recently found a set of six questions to answer to get the most out of life, so beginning today, I will answer these questions as part of my bog.

Certainly this is a loaded question for me, given that my relationship with Lane is somewhat up in the air. That doesn’t mean I don’t love Lane, because on many levels I do. I’ll focus more generally than specifically.

I love my friends. I have never had a large circle of friends, yet over the last several months, I’ve been blessed to have so many wonderful people come into my life. These friends are mostly through my involvement with the Choral Society, the greatest love of my life. So who do I love? I love my brothers in the Choral Society. What am I doing about it? I’m fostering what I hope to be life-long relationships with my brothers. In the short period of time I’ve known these guys, they’ve been there for me and have truly become a family to me. They are very much the family of choice for me and my love for them is beyond words. My love extends not only to my brothers in the choir, but also in many cases to their partners and friends. All together, we are a family. I love spending time with my friends, laughing, joking, bonding, talking and growing. Each wonderful individual in my life brings something that I need. They bring love and understanding, and I hope that I, in turn, return those wonderful gifts to them.

I love my family of origin, but I think it is more out of obligation than true love. I have so very little in common with my family of origin that it’s hard to even put into words the lack of emotion I have for them. It’s sad to me in a way, because I feel that I should have more love for the family that gave me life, for my parents, who made many sacrifices for me my whole life. I should feel something for my extended family-aunts, cousins, but nothing. How in the world can I possibly extend love to such strangers? I write cards and letters in an attempt to reach out, but get no response. However, I continue to try.

I love my pets. I have two cats. Unfortunately, I’m probably not ever going to win the “Pet Owner of the Year” Award. Oh, I clean their litter boxes, make sure they have water and food, but I could certainly provide more affection to them, I could stand to brush them a little more often, listen to them talk a little more, yet sometimes I think I’m a bit selfish and don’t give them the love they deserve.

Here’s my confession: None of us knows what tomorrow holds, how much time we have left on this Earth. It should be my priority—our priorities—that each day on earth we do our best to let those around us know what they mean to us. They could be gone tomorrow, or we could be gone tomorrow. Either way, and I speak this to myself as much as anyone, it is imperative that we take each and every opportunity to let those in our lives, our friends, our family, co-workers, anyone in our lives for whom we share love just how much they mean to us. Whether or not they return our love, it is important that we let them know. Because if tomorrow never comes, we’ve wasted an opportunity. And there is so much love to be gained by giving love.

GRATITUDE 02.22.09

It’s been a few weeks since I sat down to examine the reasons for gratitude in my life. I try to make this a weekly part of my blog, but sometimes I fail to do it. It’s important that I take the time to express my heartfelt gratitude because it’s all too easy to take people and things for granted in our lives.

That for which I am most grateful in my life right now is friendship. It sounds like some sort of a sob story, but I’ve never had a lot of friends. Now, for the first time in my life, I have people who share their lives with me and genuinely share their lives with me. I have a close, yet growing, circle of friendships. We often refer to ourselves as a “Fraternity”, and I can’t think of a more appropriate term.

While I’m so anxious for this house to sell so that I can move to a place of my very own, I’m grateful for the roof I have over my head. All will work out in the right time. I long to be closer to the city, closer to the friends I love, but I need to just learn to be content with where I am right now, for so many would love to be in the situation I’m in. Many people don’t even have a home.

Here’s my confession: I have a world of blessings I’d have never ever suspected even a year ago. I have friends who truly care about me. I have a clearer picture of who I am and what the future holds. Life isn’t perfect, situations aren’t perfect, but there are so many wonderful things happening in life that. But, in spite of the things that aren’t perfect in my life, I’m blessed. And the adventure continues.

UNDEFINED

As I’ve thought about things happening in my life over the last few days I’ve noticed some consistencies going and they all revolve around things in my life which are, for whatever reason, undefined.

My relationship with Lane-just one short week ago was defined as over-one for the history books. Yet, something has happened. But what? We’re not exactly a couple anymore-not quite at the “boyfriend” status, but there’s something going on that is beyond definition. There’s something really special going on—something beyond the pain of those honest conversations we never wanted to have in the first place and where we are right now—has been born a friendship and intimacy that is stronger than it was when we confined ourselves to the label ourselves as “boyfriends”. We are both seemingly ok with that. However, whatever this is between us remains “undefined”.

Spiritually speaking it has occurred to me in recent days that I have some truly undefined religious views. While I profess Christianity and seek to serve Christ in the Catholic tradition, I find that other faith traditions have their merits. The common thread of faith is LOVE. A prayer request made the other day by a fine Catholic lady I know made me pause for a moment to think how so many Christians just don't get it. She was asking for prayer for her cousin who is dying. She said he had turned his back on his Catholic upbringing and turned to Buddhism and is hoping he has a change of heart before it is too late. While I understand her heart is in the right place, but if this is where this man finds peace with his God, then isn't that truly the point? If this is where he finds LOVE, isn't that the point? I can't define my faith by a simple set of doctrines. I cannot define my faith simply by religion. I cannot define my religion simply by faith.

Family. Family cannot, for me, be defined as simply those people to whom I was born. I’ve written often about the dysfunction with my family of origin. Yet, it is with those people I share very few commonalities or interests. It saddens me somewhat to think of how distant I am from my family of origin. However, in recent months, it is the family I’ve created-my family of choice-those dear and loving friends who surround me who come closest to showing me something that was once undefined-the love of family. I have a great and extended circle of friends I would certainly consider family. But their love only begins to bring a bit of fullness to the definition of family.

Here’s my confession: Perhaps definition isn’t all that important. Perhaps a general abstract or idea is good enough. I’m not at all certain. That of which I am certain is that love is a very interesting subject, relationships are not something easily defined, faith takes on many aspects and family is all in the eyes of the beholder. Finding peace in all these areas is the truly important task at hand-perhaps even more important that defining that which in our lives, for whatever reasons, remains undefined. I suppose I live a life in which there is a lot of grey area, not so much black and white. Each day opens with its own set of challenges and blessings, and as day turn to night, often the things that mean the most to us in life defy our attempts to put into words true meaning or definition-either in word or in focus. Learning to accept that fact of life is where we find freedom to just “be”—to be present in the moment, to be with those we love and to have the courage to live our lives to the fullest.

TORN

I find my self a bit torn these recent days. I’m torn in many directions: work, financially, socially, emotionally, spiritually and the list just goes on. A lot has happened in my life over the last several weeks. A relationship has ended, friendships thrive. In many ways I’ve never been happier, in other ways I just want to find a way out of this swirling pit of confusion.

Parker and I have been in talks lately of trading places with his current boyfriend, Richard. If only we can work out a mutually beneficial financial plan, this will be the perfect solution to my housing dilemma. Granted, I have a roof over my head and am safe and warm, but the truth of the matter is that I have way too much house for me and two cats. I'd love to be closer in to the city, where I can be more conveniently located to friends and other activities. We just have to find the magic number and work out a reasonable solution before we make a huge leap.

I’m torn emotionally because I’m trying to come to grips with, and reconcile the relationship with Lane. There were plenty of mistakes on my part, yet he’s approached me with the grace and love of a friend.

Here’s my confession: Although I feel torn in so many different situations and directions, there is a sense of inner peace, flowing from somewhere beyond me. I’m grateful for the many gifts and blessings in my life. I’m coming to grips with the mistakes I’ve made along this road. I know not to fret, because in the end, I know that all will be well. Healing has already begun in the aftermath of the breakup of the relationship with Lane. Parker and I will work out a deal with Richard. This is just a phase, a stop on the path of life. Peace is just around the corner, and I can see it in the distance. Oh, and peace, sweet gentle peace will replace confusion, frustration and fear.

REPUTATION

There’s something priceless that we all possess, something that we must guard with all our might…and I’ve learned this the hard way in the last week or so. It’s our reputation.

It doesn’t matter who we are, it only takes one little thing taken out of context, one little misstep, a single, solitary transgression to blow a lifetime of good. It only takes one person to spread a rumor, to tell an untruth about us, and we’re tarnished goods.

Innocent comments, voiced without filtering through the rational mind can cause irreparable damage to friendships. One wrong step and there goes a whole relationship. Sometimes our senses of humor are not in sync, and that causes trouble. Our words and actions just come across completely wrong. We naively step out and trust someone with a deep, dark secret, a deep, dark activity in which we engage and they betray that trust by telling those who know us…and our reputation is smeared. It’s not fair. We finally open up and show a side of ourselves that nobody else has ever seen, and someone finds fault with it, and that’s where our story begins. It’s where our story ends.

I’ve recently come out of a short-term relationship. I admittedly did some wrong things in that brief four-month stretch of time. I did things of which I’m even shamed to confess. The bright spot in the whole mess is that I confessed these transgressions with Lane, and after the anger had subsided, grace, and forgiveness were extended to me. Unfortunately, that is not always the easiest position to be in, either as recipient or the one extending that mercy.

Here’s my confession: I’ve learned the hard way just how precious a reputation is. I’ve learned that while trying true to my true self, I have to filter my thoughts, and watch my actions, because people are watching me. One little accidental misstep in front of the wrong person and you are toast. I’m even more aware of the importance of reputation now because I am President of the Gay Men’s Chorus. As President, I’m aware that the things I say and do in my public and private life have a reflection on the whole organization. I have to keep in mind that people are always watching my words, my actions and everything I do, but not just me, we are always watching one another and, whether we are knowingly doing it or not, we are passing judgments on one another’s reputations.

PEACEFUL, EASY FEELING

I've noticed something today. A smile, a little jolt in my gait. I'm happy. Yet, there's no one reason for the smile, the happiness, the peace I feel today. There's a sense of relief, a sense of renewal of spirit, a sense of belonging. I'm still growing accustomed to these feelings. Most of my life, to this point, has been lived in the shadows, as a bit of a wallflower, just watching as others dared to do what I would never do-live.

Yesterday, I was looking at the blog of a friend from elementary school whom I've come to know better as we have become adults, through this modern-day miracle called the internet. She had posted pictures of a concert she and some of our classmates had been to recently to support another classmate who is a performer in Nashville. As I looked at the pictures, I thought of how it has been nearly twenty years since I've seen these people, because I changed schools our sophomore year of high school. I thought of how I had nothing in common with those people back then, but, now, two decades later, we are productive members of society. We are adults. It made me nostalgic for just a little while, thinking of how I'd love to reunite with these people from my long-forgotten past. It brought me a sincere feeling of peace.

I've spent a lot of time lately working on new pieces to use as preludes for church. I've pushed myself to learn more challenging music, and to make myself grow as much as a musician as much as possible. I can't imagine my life without playing the piano. It is as much an artistic outlet for me as it is a catharsis. It's a way of service, a way of beauty, an avenue to touch people's lives. I don't claim to be a perfect pianist, but I am functional, and each time someone shares a kind word with me about my playing, I smile, because I know I've done my job.

Sharing a meal with friends is another thing that brings me much peace. A dear friend of mine has been working in the same part of town the last couple of weeks, so we've had the opportunity to have lunch together, to laugh and to grow even closer as friends. It feels so good to be included in such a way in peoples' lives. It's still a new experience for me, and I love it. Today I had lunch with another friend, someone I rarely see face to face, and it was a good feeling to be able to share our lives with one another. Tuesday nights before choir, I generally hang out with a group of the guys from the chorus. The laughter and fun we share is beyond words. I often feel as though I'm part of something much bigger than myself. My dear friends have been there to listen to watch me grow as an individual and to listen to me as certain areas of my life didn't work out as planned.

Here's my confession: Each new day is an adventure. Lately, more often than not, my days have been wonderful. Life is good. I'm at a place in my life I never, in my wildest dream, thought I'd reach. Each day is a learning experience. There are, of course, highs and lows, but for the first time in my life I feel in control, like I'm an active participant in my own life. I've stepped away from the wall and joined the action in the center of the room. When I laugh, it is genuine. When I love, it is true. When I smile, there is peace. I'm in love with this feeling. I'm proud of the life I'm creating, the path on which I'm traveling, for I am at peace.

WHERE AM I GOING?

"Where are you going and how do you get there?" The question reverberates in my head, the words as relevant today as the day I first heard them at my high school graduation nearly 17 years ago. Who remembers the valedictory speech from high school? I honestly don't recall the rest of the words to Morgan's speech, but that one phrase kept coming up over and over again. I am on a journey. Well, if we are honest, we are all on a journey—the journey of this thing we call life. Some of us, however, it seems, are more engaged in that journey than others.

Over the last six months of my life I’ve been on the most incredible journey of my life. I’m living a life today that if I had been told I’d be living a year ago, I’d have laughed in your face. I have more friends with whom to share my life than I’ve ever had. I joined the Magic City Choral Society Men’s Chorus and everything in my life changed. Everything started falling in place. It was a natural progression, I suppose. But I still look back and stand in awe of how far I’ve come. I stand in awe of the people who have so kindly invited me into their lives. It seems like these wonderful people have been a part of my life for much more than six months. I’ve been so richly blessed.

Four of the last six months were spent in a relationship that was not meant to be. It was a growth experience for me. It was difficult to end the relationship, because it wasn’t for a lack of love. It’s just that our love for one another is different. I’ve grown tremendously. I learned a lot about myself. It was worth the time invested.

Here’s my confession: I still don’t know where I’m going, but I think I know how I’m going to get there. It’s with the love and help of the amazing people in my life who daily encourage me in ways I can’t even put into words. Life is good. Sure, there are highs and lows, but it seems to be getting a little bit better every single day.

GRATITUDE WEEK OF 02.06.09

This has been a difficult, sobering week for me. This has been the week that my relationship with Lane came to official end. It has been a week of deep contemplation in several areas of my life. I inadvertently hurt someone I loved and cared about, and to an extent still love and care about.

Through the entire week, there’s been something of which I am most grateful. I’m grateful for the friends who have been there for me with their words of encouragement, their amazing love and support. I’m constantly amazed at just how greatly I’ve been blessed in the last several months. There are people in my life right now who feel to me as though they’ve been there my entire life. It’s a really good feeling knowing that I have such a good group of brothers who care about me.

I’m grateful for the blessing of music in my life. I love singing with the men’s chorus, and I absolutely love accompanying my church group. I continue to grow as a vocalist and accompanist and it’s these things that bring me peace and joy in life.

There are frustrations in my life. But, it wouldn’t be life if everything were perfect. I wish that I didn’t have any debt, I wish the house would sell, I wish that I had just a couple of days that I could push the pause button on life and get everything together, but that’s not how life works. It’s one day, one second, one moment at a time. That’s how we grow and how lessons come our way.

Here’s my confession: Invariably, it is the ones you love who you are going to hurt the most. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way this week, mainly because I was not upfront with my feelings and emotions. I am grateful for the growth that has come my way. I’m grateful for the many lessons learned, and I’m in deep contrition for the ways in which I didn’t handle situations properly.

I’m still very much a work in progress. But, I’m most grateful for the blessing of each new day I am given, and for the ones who walk so faithfully with me on the journey.

I THOUGHT I WAS READY...

I thought I was ready. I thought enough time had passed. I thought that I had done enough work on myself. I thought the time was right. I thought I could give of myself fully and completely. I was wrong. I'm talking, of course, about my relationship with Lane. Our connection to one another was instantaneous, as was our definition as a couple. Within days we had uttered to one another the "L" word. You know you're in deep when you utter the "L" word and change your relationship status on facebook, which is exactly what we did. All was right with the world. A whole new world was opening up to me. There were new experiences, highs, joys and excitement. There were those around sounding the warning alarm: "Be careful!", "Take it slow and enjoy it.", "Don't rush." However, we are both guilty of tuning out those voices around us. This was our lives, and it was our love, after all. We knew what we were getting into and nothing, and nobody could stop us. So, headlong we went.

The truth of the matter is that, sadly, I wasn't ready, no matter how much I thought I was. I thought I had spent enough time alone, I thought that I truly knew myself, what I wanted and where life was headed. I hadn't, and I didn't. The truth of the matter is that while I should have listened to my well-meaning friends, that I didn't, and from that I learned a great many lessons in those four months about myself and relationships.

I've learned to trust my gut--It almost never lies. I've learned to take my time, because there is absolutely no need to rush. I've learned that Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither is a relationship. I've learned that friendship is a supreme gift. I've learned that living in the now without focusing on the future is terribly difficult. I've learned that dating and being in a serious relationship are two completely different things. I've learned that it is better to be honest and upfront right away (with yourself and others) rather than allowing things to fester beneath the surface.

Here's my confession: When we started the relationship, we knew we were taking a chance. We jumped, not knowing if there was solid ground below. We took that leap. We plunged into the rivers of love and were swept away by the current. There's no good guy, there's no bad guy. There's just the two of us. One is hurt and feeling rejected, the other feels guilty because the other one feels rejected. One of us is at peace, one of us is torn apart inside. Both of us will get through this situation. Both of us will proceed with caution. Both of us love one another and are trying to figure out what that means. In the interim, there's healing to do, hearts and friendships to mend. One never knows what will happen when we take a risk, especially if that risk involves the tricky subject of love. The best that I can do is continue to work on myself, to grow as a person, to focus on being the best me that I can be, the best friend I can be, and to be ready when it's time to take a risk again. If I am not true to me, I'm not being true to anyone else, and in that situation nobody wins. This would be a good time for "I told you so's", but those closest to me have been more considerate than that. They understand it's a difficult time and decision for me, and like the great friends that they are, they have given me love and support. And with that love, comes contentment and contentment fosters peace.

GRATITUDE 02.01.09

It has been several weeks since I’ve sat down to make a posting. I’ve had the best of intentions, but somehow seem to always get distracted, end up too tired, or any of another thousand excuses.

As I reflect over the last few weeks since my last posting, I take a break from my everyday routine to recall the many blessings that have been so abundant in my life. I don’t believe I can ever express enough gratitude for the people in my life who make my life such an enjoyable experience. Over the last few months many new friends have found their way into my life. Each friend is unique, each friend such an amazing blessing. Each friend has somehow taught me just a little bit about myself.

I’m so grateful for the amazing gift of music in my life. Since I began playing on a regular basis in church in 2006, I’ve grown so much as a musician. Playing the piano brings so much peace to my spirit, and I enjoy sharing this gift with others. Music provides for me the ability to express myself in a way that words could never do. My involvement with the Men’s Chorus has changed my life in ways I’ll never be able to express. I’m grateful that at our rehearsal last Tuesday I was elected President of this group. Considering that at that first open rehearsal in August, I was terrified to even walk in, I’d say I’ve come a long way.

I’m grateful for the relationship and friendship that Lane and I have shared. Things haven’t exactly worked out the way perhaps we had hoped, but I’m optimistic that a friendship will remain. I’ve learned so much about myself through my relationship with Lane.

I’m grateful for the changes the last year of my life have provided since Parker and I said good-bye to our relationship. We ended the relationship on 1/31/08. I would have never dreamed such a dramatic event would prove to be the catalyst to move me forward, to find my strengths and to create an absolutely amazing life, to transform myself from the person I thought I was.

Here’s my confession. My life is a work in progress. I’m blessed beyond measure by some of the greatest friends I could ever imagine. Many of these are long-established friendships, and many of them are new friendships. All of them are friendships that have somehow touched my life and moved me forward.

I’m grateful for a future, while not promised, certainly looks bright. I’m grateful for life. I’m grateful for blessings in my life which are too numerous to even count. And I’m grateful to be moving, in what seems to be the absolute best direction my life could possibly head.