AM I PURSUING MY DREAM, OR IS FEAR STOPPING ME?

In many ways I am truly pursuing my dream. One dream I had as a child was to be a church musician. I would always sit with awe and watch the pianist or organist play when I'd go to church with my grandmother. So, when the opportunity came my way to become an accompanist myself, I seized that opportunity. I'm far from the world's greatest musician, I make mistakes, but I enjoy what I'm doing and it provides me much needed additional income.

Also as a child, my dream was to be a school teacher. I was playing school with my cousins as a teenager—way longer than I should have been "playing school". While in college, I began as a Music Education major. After a few education courses, I knew that teaching was not something that was going to come easily to me, so I made the decision to pursue the Bachelor of Arts in Music. Still, over the years, I've thought of perhaps opening my own music studio, but the dream isn't so overpowering that it is the only thing on my mind.

I suppose the dream of which I've thought the most is going to graduate school. I honestly don't know what I'd study, but I would like, for my own edification, my own self-esteem, to have a Master's degree in something. Furthermore, I'd like to add the word Dr. to the front of my name and the initials Ph.D to the end of my name. This dream is where the fear and finances holds me back. First, I don't have a clear definition of what I want to study, what I would do with the degree once I attain it, or even how I would pay for it. I've never been the type who can take a blind leap of faith.

I've sat at the same job for nearly 11 years of my life. Is it my dream? No. It’s a means to an end. It pays the bills. It’s increasingly hard work in an increasingly hard economy and industry. I’ve learned a great many skills and had a great many wonderful professional experiences and friendships, but a dream it is not. Yet, every single day I think that I’m so incredibly blessed to work for a company who cares about me and has given me opportunities to grow.

Here’s my confession: I’ve a long way to travel before reaching my dreams, Many silent dreams and prayers have truly been peaceful. Each new day is full wonderful new beginnings. Lots of things serve as road blocks or directional arrows for me. Peace and contentment are just around the corner. So, I will continue to see where those arrows point me, dream the dreams and follow my heart, for that is the only way to travel in this life. Without a vision, says the Bible, the people perish. And, so, I dream of a vision...