UNDEFINED

As I’ve thought about things happening in my life over the last few days I’ve noticed some consistencies going and they all revolve around things in my life which are, for whatever reason, undefined.

My relationship with Lane-just one short week ago was defined as over-one for the history books. Yet, something has happened. But what? We’re not exactly a couple anymore-not quite at the “boyfriend” status, but there’s something going on that is beyond definition. There’s something really special going on—something beyond the pain of those honest conversations we never wanted to have in the first place and where we are right now—has been born a friendship and intimacy that is stronger than it was when we confined ourselves to the label ourselves as “boyfriends”. We are both seemingly ok with that. However, whatever this is between us remains “undefined”.

Spiritually speaking it has occurred to me in recent days that I have some truly undefined religious views. While I profess Christianity and seek to serve Christ in the Catholic tradition, I find that other faith traditions have their merits. The common thread of faith is LOVE. A prayer request made the other day by a fine Catholic lady I know made me pause for a moment to think how so many Christians just don't get it. She was asking for prayer for her cousin who is dying. She said he had turned his back on his Catholic upbringing and turned to Buddhism and is hoping he has a change of heart before it is too late. While I understand her heart is in the right place, but if this is where this man finds peace with his God, then isn't that truly the point? If this is where he finds LOVE, isn't that the point? I can't define my faith by a simple set of doctrines. I cannot define my faith simply by religion. I cannot define my religion simply by faith.

Family. Family cannot, for me, be defined as simply those people to whom I was born. I’ve written often about the dysfunction with my family of origin. Yet, it is with those people I share very few commonalities or interests. It saddens me somewhat to think of how distant I am from my family of origin. However, in recent months, it is the family I’ve created-my family of choice-those dear and loving friends who surround me who come closest to showing me something that was once undefined-the love of family. I have a great and extended circle of friends I would certainly consider family. But their love only begins to bring a bit of fullness to the definition of family.

Here’s my confession: Perhaps definition isn’t all that important. Perhaps a general abstract or idea is good enough. I’m not at all certain. That of which I am certain is that love is a very interesting subject, relationships are not something easily defined, faith takes on many aspects and family is all in the eyes of the beholder. Finding peace in all these areas is the truly important task at hand-perhaps even more important that defining that which in our lives, for whatever reasons, remains undefined. I suppose I live a life in which there is a lot of grey area, not so much black and white. Each day opens with its own set of challenges and blessings, and as day turn to night, often the things that mean the most to us in life defy our attempts to put into words true meaning or definition-either in word or in focus. Learning to accept that fact of life is where we find freedom to just “be”—to be present in the moment, to be with those we love and to have the courage to live our lives to the fullest.