LOST

The last couple of years, and especially the last few months of my life have been filled with constant and seemingly unstoppable change. I’m in a place professionally where I often question what I’m really doing and why I’m doing. I’ve spent the better part of the last year as a single gay man, and I have recently begun to wonder about life in the dating world again. I’ve walked away from a house Parker and I should have known better than to purchase.

I’m estranged from a family into which I was always the oddball anyway. I often wonder why things have happened as they have. I’d be lying if I said I don’t wonder what my family of origin is doing. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish for some sort of closure. I’d also be lying if I said that my family of choice I’ve created over the last couple of years as an adult isn’t the greatest blessing in my life.

Worries about money, relationships that have not yet come to fruition consume my thoughts.

Questions about my spiritual life also cause me question my faith, to constantly examine the faith I hold so dear. It seems to be a part of my life in a constant state of evolution. Like so many, I take my place at the church and follow all the rituals, but rarely leave changed any more than I was before the mass began.

Here’s my confession: There are so many more questions in my day to day than answers. I often feel lost. I feel a need for closure in so many areas and the necessity to leap forward in still others. What I do daily is try to be the best friend I can possibly be. I seek to grow as a friend, an employee, a musician and, someday, partner to some wonderful man. It’s frustrating, being surrounded by so many people I know and knowing that I, myself, am on an uncharted territory. The best I can do is know that the tomorrows will be brighter than so many wildest dreams.