There is a man in the mirror looking back at me each time I take a glance. He’s gone through a lot, has a lot to look forward to, and has certainly grown a lot. But the man in the mirror is empty. He’s empty, he’s hungry, he’s searching. He’s searching for his soul. He’s searching for love and desperately trying to hang on to the things he already has. You see, the man in the mirror has gone through a great deal of self-awareness and awakening. Perhaps it’s the medication, the counseling or a combination of both, but the man looking back at me in the mirror, he’s found a sense of self, a shred of independence and aspirations for the future he would have never thought to fathom even as little as a year and a half or two years ago. It’s brought him a tremendous amount of freedom but also made him feel alone and alienated from others in his life. He has his stable friends. He has his friendships that have certainly seen their fair share of testing. He’s also got a relationship which is in a major rut, but no idea how to get out of it. He’s got a fine house, nice possessions. He has, by all accounts, everything going for him. He has a nice job, a few close friends who truly care about him. He is truly and completely blessed.
Here’s my confession: I am the man in the mirror. In spite of my many blessings, there are more questions than answers, more fear than peace, there are friendships that have certainly hit bumps in the road. One friend is jealous of another friend. I come home and the cats are chasing one another. And my partner and I just had a heavy discussion about where things are headed. Again, more questions than answers. So much uncertainty. There’s a man in the mirror looking back at me each time I take a glance. I’ve no doubt that man is going to get just a little bit better as time goes on and works out the plan for the future. However, in the waiting, it takes an enormous amount of energy-energy that is waning at best, and a mixed bag of excitement and anxiousness to see what the man in the mirror becomes.
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3 comments:
Just keep working - one day at a time - and one day you will wake up and realize you aren't working quite as hard, and things will seem so much better. At least, that's what just happened to me, finally.
I just started working on a valuable lesson. "To thine own self be true." It sounds horribly selfish, but once you really take it in and realize that you are the only one responsible for you, and that you are also not responsible for anyone else, the world changes drastically.
Ok, I just wrote a dissertation, but deleted it. If you'd like to know more about being true to yourself let me know. I won't go on and on here... Love ya!
I'm really proud of you and happy for you. You are my inspiration.
Personal growth can be the biggest challenge we face as human beings. It can be physically painful, as well as emotionally excruciating...When you are personally willing to really change, I mean REALLY change, then you're taking a huge risk in your life; all of your relationships will be in flux and nothing will feel "right" for a long time as the dust settles. You feel like you're kind of floating in space-nothing fits the way it used to-at least your emotional clothes don't, if you know what I mean. Home base, where you felt most secure and safe, is no longer home base. What you used to consider "safe" is now holding you back. It's unsettling and threatening for some of the people you deal with on a day to day basis to watch you change. They don't always know where they fit in anymore. But, the reality is, not all friendships and relationships are meant to "go the distance." Relationships come and go in our lives as we need them. Once they're not healthy for us anymore, it's your choice whether or not you keep them around. Now, some relationships will change with you and NOT go away, but that's not your business-be true to what YOU want. Build boundaries for YOU. This is NOT about anyone else. Growing up is exciting! Go out and really see your world for what it is! When you look in that mirror now, be thrilled with who you see-not WHAT you see-but WHO. Too few people take the plunge and stretch personally as adults. We figure that once college is over, and "jobs" have begun, that all should be well. Not so...not so...Be proud of yourself for not giving into the fear of change. It's always easier to stay put. Be very proud of what you're doing...
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