The game of love is so complicated. It's fragile, it's enduring, it's heated passion, it's cold and frigid. It's a constant roller coaster ride of emotions, and it's supposed to last forever, right? I'm not talking about the love between two friends or two family members. What I'm talking about is the love between two partners who have committed themselves to one another, for better or worse.
There was a popular song by Michael Martin Murphey a number of years ago posing the question "What's forever for?" The song tells the story "that there are love hungry people, trying their best to survive, while right there in their hands is a dying romance and they aren't even trying to keep it alive." Certainly, no one goes into a relationship expecting it to fail. Have we become a generation of people who give up too easily? Or, do we really just grow apart with age? Is there really just one "perfect" person for you, or is that just a myth? How did our grandparents' generation keep the love going? Why are we so eager to throw in the towel?
The early stages of a relationship are the exciting period. It's when the endorphins and emotions are running crazy. Then there is the cooling off period, when individual differences come to light. Sometimes those differences can bring strength to the relationship, and still others can prove to be a divisive. No two couples are the same, no two situations are the same, and ultimately it is up to the individuals to make the decision as to where the relationship is to go.
Is love something we take too lightly in our society? Do we confuse love and romance, or are the two one and the same? I once heard it said that Romance is what you do in the bed on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Love is what you do at 7:15 on Tuesday morning when you are hurrying to get ready to go to work. In a lot of ways, that is true. Love isn't necessarily a "feeling", and all too often, I think we tend to forget that. It's going to naturally have its highs and lows, but when the low turns into a rut, that's a call to action. The question is, will you answer the call or simply ignore it, hoping it will go away..
Here's my confession: I want to know what love is. I'm one of those love hungry people, trying my best to survive...I want the passion, the common interests, the spark that keeps love going. Life is moving along briskly for me and I'm tired of feeling like a "roommate". A relationship can't be one-sided. It has to be balanced. One partner can't play the martyr and say "look at all these sacrifices I've made for you." while the other sits idly by. Relationships are not easy. They take a tremendous amount of work-not by one member of the relationship-by by both. I'm going to keep working, until I find the answer.
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2 comments:
to quote john mayer,
"'all you need is love' is a lie cause, we had love but we still said good-bye. now we're tired, battered fighters."
i thought i wrote a blog about this line a while back, but i can't seem to find it right now. it expressed many of the same sentiments as your post. i can't say that i have anything to add really, only to let you know you're not alone with those thoughts.
Marriage is so tough. I've been married 18 years-those numbers start to have no meaning... weird
... I think love DOES have a physical feeling- it's the passion at the start that gets you to buy into the second part, which is the changes into a deeper kind of commitment kind of thing. The "hot and heavy" can't be sustained over years-you'd DIE...But I remember thinking "Where did it go??!!" The passion. The fluttering heart-the romance you felt and that kept you thinking about your other almost minute-by-minute...It all changes. We, however, don't want it to. We want the movies, damn it, and won't settle for anything less...We do, however, need REAL. We're these frail, human things, floating around, looking for someone to care about, someone to care FOR us, someone who will love us unconditionally-like our mothers were supposed to...We find someone. They aren't perfect. Crap. NOW what? Decisions need to be made, but, I think that, as a partner, who made promises, you owe it to the relationship, to yourself, and your partner, to try and talk about all of these feelings. Private FEELINGS-that he should know about. Give him a chance to step up to the plate. You cared enough at one time. Those feelings are probably still there, just hiding under the dust of a few years...You need to try and re-discover what you once found irresistible-emotionally, I mean. There HAD to be emotional intimacy before the physical. IT'S what lasts. Decide what you want, but I really think that you won't KNOW what you want until you are totally honest with your partner. Right now it's the two of you dancing in the same room totally alone...try simple. Try talking...
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