GREETING CARDS

For those who care enough to send the very best, Hallmark claims to have a card for you to send. There are mushy cards about love, every variety of card immaginable from every occassion from your birthdays to holidays, going away cards, sympathy cards, even symphathy cards for the loss of a beloved family pet. The cards range from side-splitting hilarious to sappy and sentimental.

Even in a society where writing letters has fallen to the wayside, the greeting card is still very much alive. The store rows are packed with people trying to select the perfect card for Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas. Sometimes, though, it just isn't possible to find a card that fully expresses one's heartfelt emotions.

Here's my confession: Sometimes, no matter how hard you look, the perfect card is just simply not available. For those of us, like me, who may not have a great relationship with family members, the mushy crap about what a great mother you are, what a perfect aunt, etc. just don't suffice. Greeting card companies should develop the Dysfunctional Relationsips line of cards-something that says "Happy Holidays Mom and Dad! You sucked as parents and screwed up my life" or "Happy Anniversary! You are a sorry excuse for a wife", "Happy Birthday, Son. You were a mistake, but we decided to keep you anyway". What about same-sex couples? There's no mainstream line of cards for this segment of the population and thereby must resort to chosing something generic to give their loved one.

If you are going to the time and trouble to pick out a greeting card, don't you want to find one that honestly expresses your true feelings? There's nothing more disappointing than coming up empty handed, or worse-settleing for something less-at the card store because sometimes no matter how hard you look, there's just not a "perfect card".