GRATITUDE

This has been a week of emotional discord for me. Three weeks after Parker and I decided to separate as a couple, the reality of the situation is starting to sink in. There are many different directions I could allow this emotional discord to take me, but I’m trying to remain positive.

In spite of the fact that we are no longer a couple, I am grateful that Parker and I are still friends, and that we are making great strides towards maintaining our friendship. So often when I’ve shared with friends or co-workers the news of our decision, they look at me as though I am an alien when I say that I still love him or that we have no animosity towards one another. It seems a foreign concept to them that we can be friendly towards one another. Maybe it is a bit unusual, but I’ve also heard success stories from other couples that after their relationships ended, they became best friends with the person with whom they had shared such an intimate part of their lives. Such is my hope for Parker and me. I am so grateful for the time we’ve shared, the memories we’ve made, the growth in one another we’ve enabled, and the mutual love we share for one another, though the love has changed, it is as real today as the day it began.

I’m grateful that I’m returning to my workout routine. It’s difficult to keep myself motivated, but I am grateful for the ability to be able to work out in the first place. I should remind myself daily that there are those who are not as fortunate as I.

I’m grateful, again, for the wonderful friendships I have. Life would be much less bearable without these wonderful people in my life. The love and support they provide me each and every day make me one of the most blessed men on earth.

In this season of Lent, I am grateful for chances at new beginnings, renewal of spirit, chances for grace. I am grateful for my faith, a faith I sometimes question, a faith that is ever-evolving, and most importantly, a faith in which I can rely.

Here’s my confession: In these uncertain days, it is not always easy to be grateful. In fact, it would be easier to just be ambivalent. But, it is essential that I remain grateful. I look around and I see so many people who do not have nearly as many blessings as I have. I am grateful for the dreams I have for my future, friendships which carry me through each new day and for the hope I carry in my heart. I am grateful for the music that lives in my soul. I’m grateful for the growth I’ve experienced in the last several months of my life. I mourn the loss of relationships, the fear of the unknown and the fears I hold most deeply in my soul. However, I am most grateful for the relationships that remain and the peace that comes from knowing that while I’m going through difficult times right now, that tomorrow is a new day and the things I go through today will help me be a stronger person tomorrow.