PEACEFUL, EASY FEELING

I've noticed something today. A smile, a little jolt in my gait. I'm happy. Yet, there's no one reason for the smile, the happiness, the peace I feel today. There's a sense of relief, a sense of renewal of spirit, a sense of belonging. I'm still growing accustomed to these feelings. Most of my life, to this point, has been lived in the shadows, as a bit of a wallflower, just watching as others dared to do what I would never do-live.

Yesterday, I was looking at the blog of a friend from elementary school whom I've come to know better as we have become adults, through this modern-day miracle called the internet. She had posted pictures of a concert she and some of our classmates had been to recently to support another classmate who is a performer in Nashville. As I looked at the pictures, I thought of how it has been nearly twenty years since I've seen these people, because I changed schools our sophomore year of high school. I thought of how I had nothing in common with those people back then, but, now, two decades later, we are productive members of society. We are adults. It made me nostalgic for just a little while, thinking of how I'd love to reunite with these people from my long-forgotten past. It brought me a sincere feeling of peace.

I've spent a lot of time lately working on new pieces to use as preludes for church. I've pushed myself to learn more challenging music, and to make myself grow as much as a musician as much as possible. I can't imagine my life without playing the piano. It is as much an artistic outlet for me as it is a catharsis. It's a way of service, a way of beauty, an avenue to touch people's lives. I don't claim to be a perfect pianist, but I am functional, and each time someone shares a kind word with me about my playing, I smile, because I know I've done my job.

Sharing a meal with friends is another thing that brings me much peace. A dear friend of mine has been working in the same part of town the last couple of weeks, so we've had the opportunity to have lunch together, to laugh and to grow even closer as friends. It feels so good to be included in such a way in peoples' lives. It's still a new experience for me, and I love it. Today I had lunch with another friend, someone I rarely see face to face, and it was a good feeling to be able to share our lives with one another. Tuesday nights before choir, I generally hang out with a group of the guys from the chorus. The laughter and fun we share is beyond words. I often feel as though I'm part of something much bigger than myself. My dear friends have been there to listen to watch me grow as an individual and to listen to me as certain areas of my life didn't work out as planned.

Here's my confession: Each new day is an adventure. Lately, more often than not, my days have been wonderful. Life is good. I'm at a place in my life I never, in my wildest dream, thought I'd reach. Each day is a learning experience. There are, of course, highs and lows, but for the first time in my life I feel in control, like I'm an active participant in my own life. I've stepped away from the wall and joined the action in the center of the room. When I laugh, it is genuine. When I love, it is true. When I smile, there is peace. I'm in love with this feeling. I'm proud of the life I'm creating, the path on which I'm traveling, for I am at peace.