THINKING

I’ve spent a lot of today thinking. I’ve been thinking of many things, my true calling, the many blessings in my life and where my life is headed. I’m thinking about friends who mean so much to me, friends who know me so very much better than I even know myself.

I’ve been thinking about how I have so many dreams inside this head of mine. I’ve been thinking about how good life is, in so many ways, yet how frustrated I am that I don’t see things moving faster than I wish they would.

I think of how afraid I am to start dating again—how afraid I am of putting my heart out there again—of taking that risk of being loved or not having the love returned. I think of how much I’ve grown in this interim period since I’ve dated anyone, and how it hasn’t killed me, how I really haven’t known a great deal of loneliness, either, thanks to the amazing people in my life.

I think of how many things have changed in my life in the last year. I think of the sacrifices I’ve had to make, I think of the things I’ve gained, and I think of where each of these will take me as I bravely approach the tomorrows.

I’m thinking of the family of origin that I used to know so well, but who today are merely strangers. I think of how my life has gone on and how many people feel the void in my life, and I can’t help thinking, too, has life gone on for my family, too?

Here’s my confession: I spend a lot of time thinking. I think of a life I want to be living. I think of what is really standing in my way of living that life to the fullest. What is it? Nothing. Sure, there are things like money and time, but those are mere stepping stones. It’s all going to take care of itself. I think, and I pray about the future. I think, and I pray for guidance. I think, and I pray for a peace that passes my understanding. And, most importantly, I think of all the people who will help me get to the other side of my dreams. It’s you. It’s you, my dear friends…with your love, your support and dreaming right along side me. And, really, isn’t that all I really need? I think so.