GRATITUDE MUSINGS 04.23.10

Another week has come and gone. Yes, another week where I thought I’d have written another blog other than my weekly gratitude blog, but at least I’m writing this one on time. Perhaps next week will find me writing more. "Small steps" I keep telling myself.

I am grateful tonight as I contemplate the last week. So much inner healing and peace has come to me this week. Clarity has taken place of the confusion and Faith has replaced frustrations. I’m grateful that I haven’t let the setbacks I’ve faced over the last couple of months to dictate my path. I’m grateful for opportunities that have come about in my life as a result of the things that are no more. I’m grateful for my heart, though cracked, it’s not broken. I could have missed the pain, but yes, as the song goes, I’d have had to miss the dance. And, wasn’t the “dance” what it was all about? Wasn’t the “dance” more about the experience than the end result?

This week I am grateful for Parker. Parker and I met seven years ago this week. Funny, it seems like only yesterday. So many ups and downs in the roller coaster of our lives, yet, I don’t think there will ever come a time when I truly resent Parker, a time when I truly hate Parker. Parker and I were together for a time in both of our lives when we needed one another. When the ride had ended and the dust had settled, I believe we both have a strong sense of appreciation for one another. I’m grateful for Parker’s presence in my life, the many contributions he made, lessons I learned and, most of all, that he and Richard seem to be very happy together. Although things didn’t work out in the long run for us, Parker will always have a piece of my heart, and I’m grateful for that.

I’m grateful as I remember my grandmother this week. She passed from death into life ten years ago this week. It seems like only yesterday, and there’s hardly a day that goes by in which I don’t think of her. Little things each day, little things along the way, that remind me of her. I often wonder how differently things would be today were she still here among us. I wonder how our relationship would have improved, if she would have fully accepted me for who and what I am. I’ve no doubt she would be proud of me. She made no apologies for the fact that I was her favorite. I take comfort in knowing that she is resting in peace. She introduced me to so many of the things in my life. She introduced me to God. She introduced me to music. Ironically, it was the Saturday following her death that I was confirmed and accepted into full communion with the Catholic church.

I’m grateful again for the incredible gift of music in my life. During this period of transition in my life, I’ve spent a lot of time sitting at the piano learning new music, brushing up on old pieces and am so grateful that I, indeed, have something of which to be proud. I know that I am far from perfect as a musician. Yet, I remain humbled and exhilarated when I am able to share the gift with others and to truly live my dream.

I’m grateful for a new chapter that opened in my life this week. I’m grateful for the metaphor in my life. “I am a Phoenix”. I began my studies towards a Master of Science in Accountancy at the University of Phoenix this week. I am filled with anticipation, pride and hope as I step into my own uncharted destiny. I’m grateful for the support of those around me.

Here’s my confession: I’m grateful for memories and milestones, for that is what this week has been all about—remembering many important moments in my life; remembering setbacks and stepping stones; remembering tomorrow and yet looking ahead to tomorrow. I’m grateful for a heart on the mend, a heart that will, in time, love again. I’m grateful for a career that ended, but even more grateful for the possibility of a more rewarding future. I’m grateful for the opportunities given me. It is my hope that I use each opportunity wisely, that I am a good steward of my resources. I’m grateful for the people who walk this life with me. You may not even be aware of it, but you’ve kept me sane these last couple of months, when I thought I was losing everything. I’m grateful for today, but look at tomorrow, and smile.