BEGINNING AGAIN

The last two months have been so incredibly interesting to me. I’ve been through lots of ups and downs. I have cried a few tears, but mostly, I’ve held myself together, I’ve been strong and, for a reason still unknown to me, I have had very little fear. Were I to hazard a guess, I would have to say it’s the amazing support that has come my way from my true friends. I have faith that I can’t quite put into words. I have faith that this whole situation is just going to turn around and that something even better is going to come out of it.

Two months of my life. So very much change. I went from a stable job to no job. I went from the beginning of a seemingly happy relationship to single again in the blink of an eye. I’ve questioned a few things, but, remarkably, I have a calm in my soul and a peace in my spirit that I am having difficulty putting into words. A lot of my stress is gone. I no longer have to go to a place where I no longer belonged. Somehow, some way, I have a feeling that a better job is going to come along. Somehow, I have a feeling that Mr. Right and I just haven’t found one another yet.

The last two months, I have truly found the people I can rely on. I hope that I’ve never been burdensome to them in talking about various issues, and if I have, please accept my most humble apologies, but know that deep in my heart, I have so much love and gratitude for you that I’ll never be able to express. Sometimes, I think it takes a major change to wake us up and to get us to see the light.

Here’s my confession: I used to wonder what I would do if I just had gobs and gobs of “free time”. I often imagined that I would be sitting at the piano for hours a day learning new music, honing my skills. I thought maybe I would be crocheting blankets, learning new skills, organizing something around the house. Well, I must confess, I really haven’t been very successful in any of these areas. I have spent quite a bit of time at the piano. I’m determined to learn a few new pieces while I have the time to do so. I have attempted to learn a few new skills—mainly computer programs. But mostly, the last two months have been about connecting with myself, learning things about myself I couldn’t learn with a busy non-stop schedule. I feel a sense of freedom. I feel a sense of relief. And, while perhaps I’ve let my guard down a little and haven’t been as proactive in some areas of my life as I should be, I know that tomorrow morning, if I am allowed to wake up, I have an opportunity to begin again. I think perhaps that is what the last two months have been all about. Perhaps that’s what the next chapter of my life is all about. Beginning again, reinventing who I am. In many ways, this is the opportunity of a lifetime, and for that, I am grateful. Tomorrow is a new day. It is pregnant with possibilities. I’m going to seize as many of them as possible.