GRATITUDE 04.29.10

It’s amazing how quickly the weeks seem to just zoom by. It seems like only yesterday that I was writing last week’s gratitude blog, but it has, in fact, been an entire week. In fact, this is the first time in a very long time that I have written a blog almost every day of the week. I hope that I am falling into a routine again, and that my blogging is relevant and meaningful.

As I recall the last week of my life, I am filled with gratitude as I see, despite struggles in my life, many wonderful things in my life. I am grateful for those obvious things in my life—shelter, my furry little felines who don’t judge me when I do stupid things (maybe they do…but I’m going to just keep telling myself that they are filled with unconditional love to make myself feel better.)

I’m grateful for the support of true and abiding friendships. It seems when we face struggles or are “down on our luck” so speak, you truly find out who your “friends” are. I am so grateful for the former co-workers who check in with me several times a week, and are always there with their support and love. It’s been like that since minutes after I walked out of the office for the last time and shows no signs of ceasing. That’s the beauty of friendship.

I am further grateful for the brotherhood I have found through my involvement in the men’s chorus. Coming from a lifetime of feeling like an outsider, feeling inferior to others to being where I am today, to where I feel like people love me and care about me for me—they accept my flaws and eccentricities (and let’s face it, we all have them), and I truly know what being blessed feels like.

I am grateful for the experiences I had this week. I had an incredible drive to Atlanta this week to visit with my dear college friend CJ. That was probably my perfect day—or at least the most perfect day I’ve experienced in quite some time. Driving is not something I enjoy very much. However, the drive was rather cathartic, spending time catching up with CJ was refreshing, relaxing and gave me a reason to laugh and smile.

I’d be remiss were I to not mention Ghraant, Christopher, Gray and Trent in this blog. Their love is amazing beyond words. They’ve each allowed me into their lives, and have, in their own individual ways been supportive to me in my times of need. How tirelessly they’ve listened to the “junk” that has gone on in my life over the last few months. I only hope they know that while I have so little to offer in return, that I offer them my heart, for that’s the purest payment that I have to offer in return for their presence in my life.

I’m grateful for the wonderful moments of music that I’ve been a part of this week—with the choral society as we prepare for our concert on Sunday. While there will no doubt be mistakes here and there, the ensemble is ready to deliver our audience an incredible experience. To me, the music is deeply and amazingly spiritual. It matters not what you call your Divine—be it Jesus, The Buddha or a combination of any of the world’s spiritual traditions, I believe our musical offerings transcend mere Christianity. Just as music does not affiliate itself with a specific spiritual tradition, I believe if you seek spirituality through the message in the music, you’ll find it.

I’m grateful for this present moment because it is the only moment I’ve been promised. I’m grateful for the moments of yesterday and the moments that may come to me tomorrow, but I’m grateful for the now. Learning to live and experience the one simple concept of the “NOW” is far more difficult a discipline than it may seem, but I’m grateful for the moments that remind me to not forget that NOW is all I have for certain.

Here’s my confession: I’ve felt a tremendous amount of peace in the depths of my soul this week. It’s absolutely something I cannot explain. A job will be mine when the time is right. That doesn’t give me a license to stop looking, but I have a sense of peace about my situation. I’m grateful that I’m learning to let go of resentments, pain, fear and frustration that could eat me alive were I to allow them. I’m grateful that I have a home and a bed in which to lay my head tonight, a few (diminishing) dollars in my bank account and, very importantly, people who love me in spite of the fool I can sometimes tend to allow myself to make of myself. Reasons for adapting and Attitude of Gratitude are all around us, if we will only take a moment to examine our lives.