GRATITUDE PONDERINGS 04.16.10

This has been another week wrought with change. This week I began a temp job with a local non-profit calling to solicit volunteers to participate in a fundraising event. While I freely admit it’s not something that I want to do on a long term basis, I do have to admit that I’m glad that I have somewhere to go each day for a few hours and am making money at the same time.

As I look back over the last week, I am so grateful for the small things in life—which, really, aren’t things. I’m grateful for the people in my life. Christopher is one of those friends with whom I had an almost instant connection and we feel comfortable sharing pretty much everything with one another. I’m grateful for his patience, his advice and most of all his brotherhood. Christopher is a very reserved person, actually, and that I’ve been welcomed into his life is an honor to me. I’m grateful for Trent, who without fail checks on me each day to keep me in line. I’m grateful for Jay. Our friendship has gone through ups and downs, but we know, deep down, that we are only a quick message away if we truly need one another. It’s abiding, wonderful friendships such as these that keep me pressing forward, even when I want to just throw in the towel.

I’m grateful for hope, for even when it seems distant; I know it’s something I still have. I’ve been through a lot the last couple of months. I’ve gone through the loss of a “family” I had for 12 years. A relationship that I thought was worth fighting for, a person about and for whom I had begun to care very deeply, crushed my dreams of a future together by his absence, his lack of commitment and his fear of getting more serious. That hurts, but I’m grateful and am looking at the lessons I have learned.

I’m grateful for clarity. Sometimes, we truly do see through a mirror dimly, but then there is a moment when all the dimness clears away and we see the path that has been set before us. Circumstances come our way and we can’t fathom why things are happening to us like they are. Each thing that happens in our lives, be they good or bad, has a transformative power over us, if we are willing to just take a deep look and make a few alterations, we soon realize these “circumstances” happened for a reason. They happened to make us a better person, to serve as a wake up call to life, and to set us on a path of discovery.

Here’s my confession: I’m a work in progress, and I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful for the friends who put up with me, support me and love me in spite of myself. I grew up as a lonely only child. I didn’t know the joy of true friendship until I was an adult. I was always that proverbial “last kid chosen on the playground”. I was the one other kids made fun of because I was different. I didn’t come from a perfect family. To their credit, I think my parents did the best job they knew how to do raising me. I like to think I turned out pretty ok. I could spend a lifetime having regrets for the way my childhood was not as picturesque as I would have hoped, I could allow myself to be eaten up with resentment for the loss of the relationship I have with my parents or I could allow myself to spend the rest of my life mired in anger, disappointment and apathy because of the “things” that haven’t gone exactly as planned in my life or I can allow myself to chose to live my life with an attitude of gratitude. For me, I hope I always choose the latter and more positive of those options—living my life in gratitude and making peace with myself for the things that aren’t perfect. For the truth is that in my life, I have lots and lots of love—more love than I probably even know. And for that, how can I not be grateful?