GRATITUDE 05.14.10

My gratitude this week is bittersweet because while I’ve had some very wonderful moments, there have been some moments equally tinged with sadness. I have hurt some of the most important people in my life this week through my words and actions, and it saddens me deeply to know that.

I’m grateful this week for clarity. I’ve learned some very important lessons in life this week. Though my writing, I’ve been able to tap into a part of my soul and unlock some of the thoughts I’ve been holding in, waiting for their exposure to the light of day. I’m grateful for this blog, for it has been a sounding board for my soul, allowing the expression of emotions, fears, frustrations that I could in no other way articulate.

I’m grateful for spiritual moments. As I wrote earlier in the week, I attended an Episcopal mass on Thursday night celebrating the Christian Feast of the Ascension, commemorating the bodily ascension of Christ forty days after his crucifixion and resurrection. I celebrated this feast in a beautiful spiritual space in downtown Birmingham, with music that is second to none, a spiritual message through the homily that spoke directly to my heart. I wish it weren’t so difficult for me to have experiences such as this with the Divine, but when they do occur, they are intensely meaningful and, at times, even a bit serendipitous. Tonight, I attended an organ concert in Tuscaloosa. The organ is truly the king of all instruments. I’m by no means a “real” organist, but certainly appreciate the real thing when see it. Once again, it was another incredible spiritual experience.

I’m grateful for the renewal of friendships from the past. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve found a friend with whom I graduated high school. Andrew and I last connected in 2004, and then he sort of fell off the radar. Now, thanks to facebook, we’ve once again reunited—at least in cyber land. We have talked about getting together at some point in the near future, which would be an incredible experience after all this time. Driving home from Tuscaloosa I spoke with Truvy. It’s been so long since we’ve been able to catch up. We ended up talking for over two hours! Truvy is one of those people that everyone should have in their life. She lives her life absolute with integrity and faith.

I’m grateful to the individuals who have been provided whatever resources I needed during this interim period of my life. Whether it be providing me with a “free” meal or even surprising me with cash, God’s been so good to me.

Today, what seems to be good news came my way, and I’m excited to see where it leads and to learning more detail.

Here’s my confession: I’m a transgressor. I’ve unintentionally hurt people who are important to me this week. That hurts me, deeply. I’m learning, day by day, that my words and my actions are increasingly important. I have to remind myself that my core group of friends that I have today are, in ways, different than the established friendships I have with Lee, Jane, Truvy or Morgan. These are friends who have known me over a decade (and yes, Morgan, let’s face it-a couple of decades). The banter that I may exchange with them, the relationships I have with them has been tested and are strong. They understand my blunders, my lack of ability to filter things from my brain to mouth. That’s something I still have to learn. I don’t like to hurt people—especially people I love. I just wish I knew how to make that known to those who haven’t known me quite so long. All I know to do is ask forgiveness, and pray that it is granted.

I’m grateful for the amazing gifts that are in my life. I’m grateful for music—my refuge, my harbor; my writing—my sounding board, my sanity; my faith—battled, but still in tact.

I’m grateful for a week full of surprises, a week full of love, adventure, serenity and spirit. I’m grateful for the present moments, for we are not guaranteed our next breath, but if I am so blessed, I pray that I live a life of integrity, honest and faith. As I march onward, I pray for wisdom to be my companion each step of the way, for grace to go before me and for more moments of serendipitous spiritual renewal.

I think that most of all, I am grateful for you and the love and faith we share. Dona Nobis Pacem (Grant Us Peace).