FIVE THINGS I WISH I COULD CHANGE IN MY LIFE

I’ve been thinking of a few topics I’m going to write about over the next few days. Tonight I’m going to start with the five things I wish I could change in my life.

When I write, I usually just sit down, open up Word and start typing and let the words come to me. There’s usually not even a rough draft. However, tonight, I sat down and made a list about the things I wish I could change. Since they all came to me in random order, I’m going to write about them in the order in which they came to me.

First, I have always wished I could read better. I think you know by now that I love to write. Writing is one of the most relaxing and exciting things I have been given the ability to do. However, when it comes to reading, I have to admit that I have never been very good at reading. Reading is not something that was strictly encouraged of me when I was a child, and it is something with which I’ve always struggled. I guess I am a failed product of the educational system of the great state of Tennessee. While I’m not illiterate, I have always struggled with reading—and even more so with the comprehension. I missed the workshop last week offered at the local campus of my University. This is something I’d truly like to change about myself.

Secondly, I wish I were more motivated or financially able to join a gym and stick with it. Kyle and Trent are both active in the gym. Christopher works out at home. I have a wii fit that I think is just going to miraculously spring forth and do everything for me. I wish I weren’t so reticent about joining a gym again, I wish I were motivated to work on my body, which would in turn work on my spirit and mental/emotional well-being. I’ve been a member of the Y several times, and once I get into the routine, I enjoy it, but inevitably something happens and I get thrown off track and don’t go back. I’d like to do yoga. I’d like to build some muscle. I know I’m never going to grace the cover of Men’s Health or Muscle and Fitness, but I would like to, if for no other reason, have the self-confidence and boost of self esteem one gets from looking in the mirror and going “is that MY body staring back at me?

Third, I wish that I had been closer to my family of origin. It’s been years and, sadly, I just don’t know that I have the honest desire or energy it would take to make those amends. I don’t know that I have the strength to be the son or the cousin that I need to be. I could (and have) written long blogs about this topic. Perhaps there’ll be a new one in a few days as I think about it even more. I wish I knew what my major holdback is. Am I afraid that my family is going to want me to be a part of their everyday lives again? Am I afraid that they are going to change my way of life and interaction with my “family of choice”? Who knows? I certainly don’t.

Fourth, I wish that my time management skills were as good as my ability to clean the house. Now, I live in a very small house, and I have to vacuum every single day (if not every single day, then certainly every other day) to keep things from getting out of hand. I wish that I could force myself to sit down in the privacy and silence of my day to make out a daily routine schedule. Actually, I think beginning this very moment, I’m going to make a schedule and stick to it. I may go to the Dollar Tree to see about getting a dry erase board, and put it on my refrigerator to remind myself of the things that need doing.

Fifth, I wish that I were more confident. I have come a long way on this one, but I still have so far to go. I wish I could sit down at a piano and play anything I wanted, but it takes lots of hard work. Work is necessary and work is worthy. I wish I were confident enough to walk in to a room make it my own, but that’s why the shyness comes.

Here’s my confession: Five simple, life changing things are essential to my growth as a human being, an independent professional. I want to succeed. I have to remind myself that stall steps, taken in the right direction. I’m glad to have such wonderful people in life who remind me each and every day that one day at a time, all be well. My money, my time, and my treasure is banking on it.